Not Waving But Drowning
Walking usually boosts my mood, but today the walk is a mistake. My forehead glistens with sweat and my skin feels like a droplet of icy water might sizzle on it, like a searing griddle. The temperature makes the air seem white, as if bleached by too much L.A. sun. One minute I am walking my dog around the neighborhood, trying to smother the invasive thoughts with an inspirational podcast that I listen to like it’s my daily dose of Zoloft. The next minute I am drowning. My chest constricts and the memory of advanced pneumonia covers my vision with its wet fingers. I slow my walk to a halt and the dog…
A Grown-Up Job
$13/hr. One week vacation the first year. Overtime expected. Looking for a go-getter with a can-do attitude, 5+ years of experience. Send us resume and cover letter explaining what makes you stand out from the crowd. What is it with employers these days? I think to myself as I scroll through the 5th job board of the day. I spend most days jumping through elaborate hoops, with a folder of 12 different resumes, 12 cover letters, 2 portfolios, 5 salary histories and 1 list of references, only to not hear back from 99.99% of places I contact. I keep a spreadsheet of every place and position for which I apply, so I…
I Am Not A Grown-Up
The most unexpected part of being a grown-up is how little I feel grown up. My life does not in the slightest resemble the one I imagined for myself (well, except for the handsome husband part––shout-out to Mike!). Although Happily Ever After does not exist, I keep chasing it down, believing that once I’m “there,” then I’ll finally be a grown-up. When I was a girl, I was seven going on 40. Or an old soul, as some call it. I could not wait to grow up, so I could be free. Free to travel the world, free to do what I liked without permission, free to drive to the…
Where The Heck Have I Been? A Story In Graphs
By now, you’ve noticed I haven’t been blogging as much. Lately, once a week is about all I can manage. Why, you ask? Well, I have a convenient chart ready that explains where my time has gone and simultaneously demonstrates my bomb Excel skills. Where Natalie Spends Her Time Hm. Something’s not right. I didn’t include some of the other stuff, like forgetting important dates, crying about it, and not cleaning my house. So I just made another chart. Other Important Ways Natalie Spends Her Time Okay, this one’s not entirely accurate. There were a few hours on Valentine’s Day when I needed to not work and you know, spend…
How I Talk Myself Down: An Unemployment Checklist
There comes a time in every job search when you start awakening with a start in the middle of the night, covered in a sheen of sweat and vague recollections of a nightmare about working at Starbucks and maybe at some point you were bottle-feeding a kitten that morphs into a baby piglet. This time usually coincides with the last few weeks of your unemployment checks, right around the time you’re cataloguing every mistake you made looking for freelance work during the past seven months and my God, why didn’t you apply for all the jobs, just to be safe? Gentle hints from loved ones about maybe getting a full-time job…
Drafted Into A Project
Mike has been working on a boat for the past few years. At first he decided to build one from scratch, which he did. It was just a little guy, something to tool around with in the harbor. Mike is one of those men that gets an idea, figures out how to do it, and then does it, which is one of my favorites of his qualities. Last year, he found an old, larger boat he wanted to restore. He had tinkered with the engine, patched it up and gotten it sea-worthy, but then thought he’d like it to look a little prettier. After all, this boat was an untouched…
When in Doubt, Go Swimming
My arms sliced through the water as if no time at all had passed since my last swim. My eyes squenched fiercely against the chlorine, as I had neglected to bring goggles along on this impromptu trip to paradise (also known as my husband’s place of business). As a result, I had to awkwardly lift up my head every few strokes to make sure I neither crashed into the wall nor swam in circles. Knowing I didn’t have anything better to do today, Mike invited me to hang out by the pool at the school campus where he works. Classes hadn’t started yet, and I’d have the whole place to…
How to Survive a Layoff
I just might be an expert at unemployment. This is my fourth time being unemployed in search of work, and my third layoff. I try not to take it personally – it’s just the economy for someone who graduated during the recession (holla, class of 2011!). So anyway, as I have become an expert in unemployment, I thought it would be nice of me to impart some of the wisdom I’ve garnered from multiple layoffs. Please feel free to print this list and tape it to your bathroom mirror, or staple it to a former employer’s forehead should you ever meet in person again. How to Survive a Layoff: Let…
Recent Developments
I left the office at four o’clock yesterday. The sunshine nearly blinded me, an unusual occurrence. Then again, I’ve never left the office that early. Getting into my car, I followed the usual ritual: buckled seat belt, turned right out of the driveway, made another right on the first street, headed towards home. Sylvia Poggioli of All Things Considered interviewed Venetians on how cruise ships in the small canal affect the fragile landmark, rattling the ancient architecture. How silly, I thought, that anyone would consider ruining such a valuable landmark just so a couple from Akron can snap a few photos of St. Mark’s from the foredeck. Pulling up to the first…
