I haven’t had much to say the past few months. I have had so much to say the past few months. Sometimes it comes pouring out of my mouth like ectoplasm, provoked by the social outrage of the day, or … Continue reading →

This New Person


I don’t feel like a mother yet. Some people feel like they’re born to be mothers; I was never one of those people. My desire for children was more complicated than that. We felt the baby’s first kicks at week … Continue reading →

Take Us to the Snow

family tree

When I was five years old, my dad promised to take me and my sister to the snow. We lived in a suburb of Los Angeles, and the idea of snow was as foreign to me as the idea that people lived … Continue reading →

She’d Have Liked That


She died on Thanksgiving Day, hours before dawn. We had known it would be soon, but had hoped someone would be with her when she went. As it was, we were spending twelve hours a day at her bedside, taking … Continue reading →

Grown-up Furniture

The desk is in storage, but here is the bookshelf (and dog).

A fun factoid most people don’t know about me is that my dad built most of my nice furniture. Sure, there’s the glossy piano that I got as a graduation present, back when teaching piano was my only means of self-support, and the … Continue reading →

Moving Thoughts


Most of the boxes are unpacked now. Those that aren’t have been stacked up in storage, to be forgotten until we move again someday. There’s not as much to store as I’d anticipated. Turns out, I don’t want to hang … Continue reading →

I Would Change My Name


I was starting to realize I always notice smells. This room smelled of bureaucratic dust and the yeasty, lingeringly angry odor of people standing in line all day, exactly how I imagined the county recorder’s office to smell. We stood right … Continue reading →

Sherlock Mom


Only a white lie. Colored in, embellished. Harmless, really. She doesn’t need to know the extent of it. She asks questions with a poker face. She’s a pro. Her expressionless look signals I change my teenaged tactics, quickly. She always finds out. … Continue reading →

What If


“Should we wait for Emile?” I ask. Grandpa doesn’t slow down, and each steady stride of his equals three of mine, even though everyone tells me I’m tall for my age. “No,” Grandpa answers. Emile is my sister. It’s pronounced … Continue reading →