That Song
Okay, breathe. In and out, in and out…
It is Shavasana in yoga, which can also be translated as “corpse pose.” Instead of contorting myself into twisty, impossible positions, I must lie on the mat and try to wipe the grime from my mind. I must be still.
Okay, I need to go to the store after this. Eggs, olive oil, tissue. Or should I try to squeeze in some writing first? Gah, okay, clear mind, clear mind…
I squirm at the itchy spot on my shoulder-blade, and try again, breathing in and out to the music.
Clear mind, clear mind…
Then a new song begins.
I am clutching my bouquet in one hand and reaching for my father’s arm with the other. My white dress floats along with me, gossamer panels of fabric barely skimming the ground. My father only asks, “Are you ready?” and I say, “Yes.”
We begin our long walk through the thickly covered arbor, which partly shields us from view. The air is clear; I can smell the sea, like a fresh version of home. Exiting the shaded walkway, an out-of-body experience commences as the faces of everyone I love rise and move towards me…
Including his.
I have never felt so much in one moment. Much. That is the only way to describe it.
All I really take with me on that walk is the satisfaction of this. This is what I waited for, prayed for, wished for, every day for ten years. Ten years worth of smoking birthday candles; ten years worth of breath held through tunnels; ten years of dandelion fluff dancing on the wind culminated in this.
I just want to be with him, to erase the questions and have an answer.
The song fades as we step to the side, talking softly to each other, speaking private vows. We look at each other and laugh. The trees rustle and the ocean’s blue saturates all the other colors.
Then I am on my mat again, tears in my eyes and heart full to brimming.
I haven’t heard that song in a long time.
54 Comments
catherine gacad
Beautiful post. Thank you for walking me through that wonderful memory of yours.
catherine gacad recently posted…Money Monday: Retirement Milestones
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you! 🙂
Vanessa
It’s funny how a song, a smell, a subtle pattern of light against dark, can evoke such deep heartfelt memories.
Vanessa recently posted…Monday kicked my ass again, and I should wear my glasses when texting.
Natalie the Singingfool
Yes, music and scent are the ones that really do it for me.
Vanessa
For me it’s scent and patterns of light. I spent a week weeping over the memories a shrub in bloom brought to mind.
Vanessa recently posted…Bunkhouse woes and morning wood.
Natalie the Singingfool
Patterns of light…I like that. 🙂
Suzanne
Aw, this is so beautiful Natalie! It’s amazing what a song can do. Thanks for sharing. For some reason, I really feel like hugging my husband… 🙂
Suzanne recently posted…Editor in Her Element
Natalie the Singingfool
I did that when he came home later. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Suzanne.
Heather
wow. I played the song and kept reading, and now I have tears in my eyes. You inspire me in so many ways.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you, Heather.
Michelle Liew
Funny how a song can serve as a form of motivation for anything…..music works wonders on our neurons! Thanks for sharing!
Natalie the Singingfool
It was like hitting the “on” switch for meditation, lol.
Ellen
That was lovely. The song, the dress, the whole post.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you. 🙂 It’s quite a potent memory.
Keith DuBarry
Wow, this is so beautiful. When you work for your dreams, they become your reality. Happy to see your dream came true. Beautiful post!
Keith DuBarry recently posted…Making a Fantasy World Believable and Realistic: Tedious but worth the Effort
Natalie the Singingfool
It certainly took a lot of work & hope…I’m hoping my next difficult “project” has the same result!
Samantha Brinn Merel
God, this is so beautiful I was holding my breath reading it. I remember that moment when I saw him for the first time on my wedding day, and all the other faces blurred out and for a split second all I saw was his. I don’t remember everything about the day, but I will never forget that. You captured all those feelings so well, and I love your wedding hair!!
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…Superstition
Natalie the Singingfool
Oh, thank you! You’re right – the day blurs, but certain moments stand out in technicolor. Perhaps that’s why I can relieve it at the drop of a hat (or tune). And thank you! I loved everything about how I looked that day. 🙂
Michelle Longo
Beautiful post and beautiful song.
Michelle Longo recently posted…The Safety of Insurance.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you.
icescreammama
what a beautiful moment and memory… it brings me back to my own. thank you.
icescreammama recently posted…I just need a moment
Natalie the Singingfool
It’s certainly a powerful one…
zoe
Natalie that was so beautiful. What a gorgeous bride. I can still here the music as I type this and it brings up so much. Thanks for such a lovely post.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you. This song has always meant so much to me – now it is forever tied to one of my favorite memories.
Mamarific
So beautiful! Incredible how a song can take us back to a moment and feel everything all over again.
Mamarific recently posted…Don’t You Forget About Me
Natalie the Singingfool
I know! There are a few that take me back to such a specific time and place…
Chris plumb
Beautiful song, better story, and masterful prose. Natalie, you sure can tell a story (and it was great listening while reading this time, as the first time I read this, my 10th graders were slogging through my final exam, and playing a YouTube video would’ve been slightly distracting).
Makes me almost want to write about my wedding day.
Chris plumb recently posted…When Can a Writer Graduate Beyond the Thesis Statement?
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you, Chris. This one was like transcription of inspiration, rather than forcing it, so it kind of wrote itself.
And I agree – strict no-Youtube policy in class. Good call.
Grand New Mom
This post was lovely. I love how music can instantly take us back to the time and place of a strong memory.
But most of all, I love the gratefulness of this post. I love that you appreciate and enjoy what you have.
Grand New Mom recently posted…A Weighty Issue
Natalie the Singingfool
I do too! There are few songs that truly do that for me, but this is one of them.
Yes, I do appreciate everything I have. Maybe not all the time, but from time to time I call up memories like that to remember all for which I have to be grateful.
Stacie
How beautiful, Natalie! Glad you get to relive your wedding day so vividly whenever you hear that song!
Stacie recently posted…Finish That Book. Or Don’t.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you! I was taken by surprise…:)
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real.
Oh, that kind of knocked the wind out of me and brought tears to my eyes. Today is one of my wedding anniversaries ( same husband, but we had our legal wedding in a courthouse months prior to going to Mexico for the ceremony. Today is the ceremony anniversary…anyway…) We always watch the video on this day, and I can’t wait. I know as soon as I hear it, tears will fill my eyes.
And i’m so glad I’m not the only one who has trouble staying still in Shavasana… 🙂
Beautiful post. Really.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted…Wordless Wednesday- A Spectrum of Emotions
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you so much! That’s how I felt – wind knocked out of me! Happy anniversary to you, and I hope you have more beautiful times of remembering!
PS-I love Shavasana but I also hate it when I can’t get my brain to shut up. 😉
Mary @ A Teachable Mom
What a gorgeous memory. I love the way you tied the memory into your yoga practice. And the phrase “wipe the grime from my mind” is my new favorite. Great writing!
Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted…Plastic Barbie Lunch Boxes: Use Only As Intended
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you. I have so few moments like that, I knew I had to write about it…
If only it always were so easy to wipe the grime, right?
Erynn
Beautiful post. Awesome shavasana.
Erynn recently posted…Dinner at Talde
Natalie the Singingfool
Thanks, Erin. 😉
Joe
I’ve started several posts about memories that were triggered by a song. I’ve never finished any of them. I wonder why.
Joe recently posted…The Real Problem With Marriage Equality
Natalie the Singingfool
Because they end up in tears, probably. At least, mine did.
Julie DeNeen
Wow. That was beautiful. And my goodness, you are a beautiful bride. Holy cow!
Julie DeNeen recently posted…$100.00 to Amazon
Natalie the Singingfool
Double thank you! 🙂
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
What a beautiful, vivid and emotive piece of writing Natalie. I could smell the sea air, feel a soft breeze…I felt like I was there and the way the story flowed seamlessly from yoga class to being in your memory and back to yoga class was so well done. Bravo!
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted…Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: The 60s Part Two
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you! It was such a powerful memory…
Hailey
I got chills! What a beautiful song and a beautiful story.
IASoupMama
What is it about Shavasana? I was almost in tears when the instructor told us to find a happy memory and I was suddenly reliving the moments each of my kids came into the world. Guess I know what brings me joy in this life…
IASoupMama recently posted…Jumping Rope
Natalie the Singingfool
I don’t think we often let ourselves go to those places, so when we do…bam. I imagine when I have kids, I’ll feel the same way. 🙂
Ericamos
I loved how I was able to listen to the song while reading your post. Combined with your words, it really felt like I was there and experiencing the moment with you. Great post; you’re making me even more excited for my upcoming wedding.
Ericamos recently posted…Minty Badness
Natalie the Singingfool
I wanted to set the mood…;) Thank you! I can’t wait for your wedding, either! I want all the gooshy, romantic details. 🙂
Esther
Natalie, you’ve related this inner snapshot in a beautiful way. I flowed right along on your stream of consciousness, not a hitch along the way. Lovely.
Natalie the Singingfool
Thank you! It was like a video in my head…
Mamahons
I am so grateful that I was able to spend this amazing day with you two! I love you both and look forward to watching you grow as a couple for many many years!!
Mamahons recently posted…Updates!!!
Natalie DeYoung
Shannon, I am still SO GRATEFUL for all you did to help us that day. I can honestly say Mike and I couldn’t have gotten married without you. 🙂
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