Okay, breathe. In and out, in and out…

It is Shavasana in yoga, which can also be translated as “corpse pose.” Instead of contorting myself into twisty, impossible positions, I must lie on the mat and try to wipe the grime from my mind. I must be still.

Okay, I need to go to the store after this. Eggs, olive oil, tissue. Or should I try to squeeze in some writing first? Gah, okay, clear mind, clear mind…

I squirm at the itchy spot on my shoulder-blade, and try again, breathing in and out to the music.

Clear mind, clear mind

Then a new song begins.

I am clutching my bouquet in one hand and reaching for my father’s arm with the other. My white dress floats along with me, gossamer panels of fabric barely skimming the ground. My father only asks, “Are you ready?” and I say, “Yes.”

Aisle

We begin our long walk through the thickly covered arbor, which partly shields us from view. The air is clear; I can smell the sea, like a fresh version of home. Exiting the shaded walkway, an out-of-body experience commences as the faces of everyone I love rise and move towards me…

Including his.

I have never felt so much in one moment. Much. That is the only way to describe it.

All I really take with me on that walk is the satisfaction of this. This is what I waited for, prayed for, wished for, every day for ten years. Ten years worth of smoking birthday candles; ten years worth of breath held through tunnels; ten years of dandelion fluff dancing on the wind culminated in this.

Quiet Moment

I just want to be with him, to erase the questions and have an answer.

The song fades as we step to the side, talking softly to each other, speaking private vows. We look at each other and laugh. The trees rustle and the ocean’s blue saturates all the other colors.

Then I am on my mat again, tears in my eyes and heart full to brimming.

I haven’t heard that song in a long time.

Ending


Comments

That Song — 54 Comments

  1. God, this is so beautiful I was holding my breath reading it. I remember that moment when I saw him for the first time on my wedding day, and all the other faces blurred out and for a split second all I saw was his. I don’t remember everything about the day, but I will never forget that. You captured all those feelings so well, and I love your wedding hair!!
    Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…SuperstitionMy Profile

    • Oh, thank you! You’re right – the day blurs, but certain moments stand out in technicolor. Perhaps that’s why I can relieve it at the drop of a hat (or tune). And thank you! I loved everything about how I looked that day. 🙂

  2. Natalie that was so beautiful. What a gorgeous bride. I can still here the music as I type this and it brings up so much. Thanks for such a lovely post.

  3. This post was lovely. I love how music can instantly take us back to the time and place of a strong memory.

    But most of all, I love the gratefulness of this post. I love that you appreciate and enjoy what you have.
    Grand New Mom recently posted…A Weighty IssueMy Profile

    • I do too! There are few songs that truly do that for me, but this is one of them.
      Yes, I do appreciate everything I have. Maybe not all the time, but from time to time I call up memories like that to remember all for which I have to be grateful.

  4. Oh, that kind of knocked the wind out of me and brought tears to my eyes. Today is one of my wedding anniversaries ( same husband, but we had our legal wedding in a courthouse months prior to going to Mexico for the ceremony. Today is the ceremony anniversary…anyway…) We always watch the video on this day, and I can’t wait. I know as soon as I hear it, tears will fill my eyes.

    And i’m so glad I’m not the only one who has trouble staying still in Shavasana… 🙂

    Beautiful post. Really.
    Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted…Wordless Wednesday- A Spectrum of EmotionsMy Profile

    • Thank you so much! That’s how I felt – wind knocked out of me! Happy anniversary to you, and I hope you have more beautiful times of remembering!
      PS-I love Shavasana but I also hate it when I can’t get my brain to shut up. 😉

  5. What is it about Shavasana? I was almost in tears when the instructor told us to find a happy memory and I was suddenly reliving the moments each of my kids came into the world. Guess I know what brings me joy in this life…
    IASoupMama recently posted…Jumping RopeMy Profile

  6. I loved how I was able to listen to the song while reading your post. Combined with your words, it really felt like I was there and experiencing the moment with you. Great post; you’re making me even more excited for my upcoming wedding.
    Ericamos recently posted…Minty BadnessMy Profile

  7. Natalie, you’ve related this inner snapshot in a beautiful way. I flowed right along on your stream of consciousness, not a hitch along the way. Lovely.

    • To be fair in the Uk it is considered common and tacky to mention your wealth and status. The lines of class strata are complex but the same rules apply – if you need to tell someone about it, you’re ovmpcoerensating for the lack.

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