Recent Developments
I left the office at four o’clock yesterday. The sunshine nearly blinded me, an unusual occurrence. Then again, I’ve never left the office that early.
Getting into my car, I followed the usual ritual: buckled seat belt, turned right out of the driveway, made another right on the first street, headed towards home. Sylvia Poggioli of All Things Considered interviewed Venetians on how cruise ships in the small canal affect the fragile landmark, rattling the ancient architecture. How silly, I thought, that anyone would consider ruining such a valuable landmark just so a couple from Akron can snap a few photos of St. Mark’s from the foredeck.
Pulling up to the first stoplight, I decided to pick up some groceries instead of sitting at home in a daze, so I turned right instead of left.
I had never seen the parking lot so empty. As I walked toward the store entrance, I felt overdressed in my work clothes – who goes grocery shopping in a dress and heels? I pretended I was sophisticated, masking the truth with straight shoulders and an expressionless face.
Grabbing a basket, I briskly canvassed the aisles. Instead of inspecting all the latest nail polish colors, like I usually did, I mentally reviewed my shopping list. Travel-sized body wash for my upcoming trip? I decided against it. How easy it was to switch back into hyper-frugality mode.
I bypassed the book aisle, where I would ordinarily browse the latest bestsellers, and went straight for the necessities. Diet Dr. Pepper (on sale), allergy medicine, coffee (also on sale), yogurt. Like an old pro I hardly even spared a second glance at the magazines and gum on the impulse shelves lining the registers.
The fading afternoon heat greeted me tiredly as I exited the building. While I walked to my car, a worn gentleman in a baseball cap and dirty jeans approached me in beggar’s communion, an oft-repeated ritual in my beach city.
“Excuse me miss, can you spare any change?” His faded blue eyes matched the heat-worn sky, I noticed.
“No, I don’t have anything.” Despite the truth of my statement, I could feel the shame gnawing away inside. The only difference between me and this man was that this time, I had a safety net.
As I buckled my seat belt again, my phone jingled. I knew who it was without looking at the screen.
“Hey hon, what’s up?” Mike asked. I could tell by his tone he already knew.
“Well, I saw it coming,” I sighed. “I got laid off today. The whole company was let go. Don’t worry though,” I reassured him, “I’ve already filed for unemployment, and my resume is ready to go.”
“It’s okay, hon,” he said firmly. “We’re going to be fine. Don’t worry about anything.”
“Alright,” I said.
“I’m on my way home right now, okay?”
“Okay,” I said.
I hung up, and drove home. At least this time, I wasn’t alone.
– – –
78 Comments
Michelle Longo
I’m so sorry. Sending hugs. Hope things look up soon!
Michelle Longo recently posted…Common Ground.
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Michelle.
Todd
Damn economy! Here’s to expecting good things to come, okay?! 🙂
Todd recently posted…Angry fat pool boys
Natalie DeYoung
They keep saying it’s improving, though from my view I have yet to see it…;) Thanks for the good wishes.
Heather
The other day I was thinking to myself how much I’ve seen your blog grow in the past few months and feeling excited for you. I may not know you well, but I know this much about my life and I know the same to be true for anyone. When you are on the wrong path, shit does NOT work out. Jobs fizzle, lovers fade, self pity runs wild and the feeling is just this weird numbness that’s a lot like auto pilot but on an unreliable course.
I know this because I spent A LOT of time trying to find a good job and be a writer. For YEARS. Feeling like an angry piece of shit that had sold her soul and time of life I can never get back for what? School? A staggering amount of student loan debt, first in a scholar’s program and it’s all just bullshit I’ve never used.
I’m glad you got laid off. Fuck yes. Because you are meant to be a writer. A poor, starving, happy and cultured writer. Because that’s what I am and I know you can do it too. I make two pennies that hardly rub together, but I don’t care. I have enough for my love (Pepsi One) and I guarantee you’ll have enough for your Diet Dr. Pepper as well.
I think that things are slowly starting to swirl into place for you. I know you don’t want any advice- Lord knows I hate when people give me pollyanna advice- but I hope you know that there’s one person in the world that is so very happy this happened to you.
I hope you blog more because we all love reading your work. I hope you write more of what’s in your heart. I personally hope you finish the novel about that girl in France that was on the phone with that douche bag. I was very angry when that story ended.
I think you have a window of time to do something very near and dear to your heart and I hope you take it and run-er-write with it.
That’s my wish for you.
Also- you’re fucking amazing.
Heather…OUT
Natalie DeYoung
I love everything about this comment. Your unflagging support has been priceless to me, Heather. I’m going to re-read this every day, okay? 🙂
And we need to hang out in real life.
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife
I’m so sorry!
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife recently posted…Open Letter To Boycott WALMART
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks. 🙂
Mamarific
So very sorry this happened. Our household has been through a couple of layoffs, too. I can honestly say they were “blessings in disguise,” although they certainly didn’t feel that way at the time. Hang in there!
Mamarific recently posted…Everything I Need to Know About Feelings, I Learned From ’70s Soft Rock
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks. I’m pretty sure it’s a blessing in disguise, but as of yet I’m still processing it. I’m sure everything will turn out for the best.
Blogging Bibliophile
I’ve been there, and it hurts. I’m sorry. I do love the way you structured your post though – brilliant writing! When I was laid off, I sat on the couch and ate cheese – lots of cheese – while I read and read and read. Once again, books saved me. (The cheese stayed with me for a longer time than I’d like to admit.) I’m sending you a HUGE hug.
Blogging Bibliophile recently posted…Color Me Pink
Natalie DeYoung
I foresee cheese in my future. Cheese and ice cream and books; of course, books. 🙂 Thank you for the love!
Karen
It sucks to be laid off. I’m glad you’re not alone, and I’m glad you qualify for unemployment.
This post is so well written! Everything is spot on – your voice, the rhythm, how much you choose to reveal – perfect.
Karen recently posted…My Pen Is Mightier Than Your Boner
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. This is the first time I’ve ever qualified for it, and I must say, it’s a big relief.
Misty
Oh man, I am so very sorry. That is horrible. But you will get something else, I’m sure! You’ll just have to avoid the magazines and gum for a bit, then you’ll be ok. I’m sure. And while you have time off, maybe do a little writing? You obviously have the skills and inclination. Might be just the time you need for it.
Misty recently posted…Invasion of the Fruit Snatchers
Natalie DeYoung
I’m using this time for exactly that – finally getting some serious work done on the writing front. 🙂
Kirsten Oliphant
So sorry about the job! I love how you kept this detail until the end–it totally made the piece work.
Kirsten Oliphant recently posted…Where Were You When?
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. 🙂
Ericamos
I feel for you, and am sending lots of hugs your way. I’m glad to hear that you’ll have unemployment soon, and that Mike is so supportive (not that he wouldn’t be, but you know what I mean!). Enjoy this time of unlimited reading and writing, and here’s hoping you find new, and better, employment soon!
Ericamos recently posted…Why Free Clinics Are Free
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you, Erica! I know you understand. 🙂
Celeste
I’m so glad you do have that safety net. It makes such a difference, doesn’t it? I hope that you are able to take some time off to process and maybe even write.
People often say that these things happen for a reason, or happen for the best, and while that often is the case, we leave out one important fact. When things like this happen, it os an opportunity for us to refocus and find other paths we hadn’t considered. Whatever path you follow next, you’ll do well. You’re determined and smart and absolutely capable. I’m sure it’s a whirlwind right now, but I hope that it’s not completely overwhelming. When it is overwhelming, you’ve got lots of folks behind you to help get you through this. And even though we only know each other through our blogs and twitter, please know that I do care about and believe in you, and that I’m here with a listening ear anytime, for any reason.
(I know that sounds so corny, but it’s absolutely true.)
C
Celeste recently posted…First Days
Natalie DeYoung
It is an amazing feeling – the other times I’ve been laid off, I didn’t have it, and went into debt. No fun.
Thank you SO, SO much for your support and encouragement. I am convinced this will be a good thing, as you said.
Marcy
I’m so sorry!
On the writing front, I really liked how you told this story–getting out at 4, not being used to the parking lot so empty.
Marcy recently posted…Confronting the Abyss at Trapeze School New York
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Marcy!
Dianne
Always remember, when one door closes, another will open.
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Dianne. I’m excited to see what’s next.
Ellen
This was a great post, even if it was about not great news. I think your HuffPo piece was perfectly timed for this, and maybe now you’ll feel free to puruse new opportunities that come your way because of it.
Ellen recently posted…Away
Natalie DeYoung
Here’s hoping…:)
icescreammama
perfectly written post. but oh man, sorry.
icescreammama recently posted…I’ll be waiting right here
Natalie DeYoung
🙂
Kate
Will be sending good thoughts your way!
Kate recently posted…BYOB and try not to spill
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. 🙂
Tamara T.
Oh, I am sorry. But I am also excited for you because I am a believer in the notion that when God closes one door he opens another. There is something on the other side of that door for you. I will be praying about this and watching your blog for news!
Tamara T. recently posted…A favorite quote: It’s all about Love
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Tamara! I appreciate it. 🙂
Jack
I always wondered why I never got laid off when I hated the job or when I had just won the lottery.
But I will say for me those moments between work have been good for my writing, not necessarily the way I would choose to learn/grow, but…
Here is to hoping you find something soon.
Jack recently posted…Some Things I’ll Teach My Children (Updated Again)
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Jack. I’m hoping it’ll be good for my writing, too.
Kristin
Very nicely told – I just wish it weren’t so true to life. Sending positive vibes.
Kristin recently posted…We both know it: I am NOT Trayvon’s Mother
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Kristin. I appreciate the good thoughts.
Jamie
AWESOME use pacing in this piece!! I love that you held the reveal right until the most perfect of moments and picked the most salient details to give it punch. It totally smacked me between the eyes.
Jamie recently posted…No Ifs, Ands, or Buts
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. It had that effect on me, too, lol.
that cynking feeling
I love the way you make reference to earlier financial struggles with the little details. Sorry you are out of work, but great job on writing about it!
that cynking feeling recently posted…Thoughts on surviving my 20th high school reunion
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks. That’s the only way to make something out of it…;)
Considerer
K, really hoping that whole blocked-from-commenting thing has been fixed for good, because WHOA do I ever want to leave you a comment this time.
That’s such a hard thing to have happen! I hope that many opportunities come your way soon, and that life doesn’t get too tough in the meantime. I’ve been there (not exactly your situ, but similar) and it’s tough.
Hope that you and your other half stick together as a team on this one, cos not doing is a nightmare.
Considerer recently posted…Coffee in Real Life
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, you are rescued from comment purgatory! 🙂 Thank you so much for your support. Though it IS hard, I am hoping good will come of it.
Growing Up Madison
I started reading and LOL at the trying to be sophisticated buying groceries and then I got to the end. 🙁 So sorry I can’t say I know what you’re going through because I don’t but I can say that I’ll say a prayer that things get better and soon. Its great that you have a supportive partner and I’m happy that he’s there for you. Sending virtual hugs. ((hugs))
Growing Up Madison recently posted…Sanus TV Mount Safety Giveaway
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you so much. I’m lucky to have Mike. 🙂
Samantha Brinn Merel
The writing in this piece might be the best I have ever read on your blog. I love how perfectly it’s paced, and wondered where you would end up. I am so sorry about your job, that is so crappy. It’s the hardest thing, but bigger and better things are coming your way. I want to hug Mike for how supportive he is. Sending lots of good thoughts to you!
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…The Very Best Way To Watch a Show
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you, Samantha. I’m hoping so, too.
Christie
Awwww. This is so well written and I was hoping it wasn’t what I thought it was the whole way through. Good luck and you’re going to land on your feet. I just know it.
Christie recently posted…Quick! Someone Sing The Circle of Life– My Kid’s Asking About Death
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks. I’ve done this enough times to know I’ll be okay, but it still sucks.
Suzanne
I’m so sorry Natalie. But I’m glad you have a safety net – and maybe this will turn out to be an opportunity in disguise. Wishing you nothing but the best.
Suzanne recently posted…Coming of Age
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you, and thank God for the safety net – it’s hell doing it without one!
Roshni
{{hugs}} You’ll do great! And, some wise employer will snap you up in no time! 🙂
Roshni recently posted…Should I blog or should I write?
Natalie DeYoung
*fingers crossed* 😉
Shanique
Sorry to hear that but I agree with HEATHER (that’s an awesome comment btw)
Shanique recently posted…No Presence but I am OK
Natalie DeYoung
Yeah, Heather is THE BEST. 🙂
Linda Roy
I’m so sorry Natalie. But I truly believe that when one door closes, another one opens. Sending you hugs until I can give you one in person next week. This is so well written with hints and foreshadowing throughout leading to the news. The lines “beggar’s communion” and “His faded blue eyes matched the heat-worn sky” are excellent!
Linda Roy recently posted…Spanx. A Lot. (The All-Day Embrace)
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you so, so much.
Why go through shiz if you can’t exploit it later? 😉 The whole day had the feeling of a strange tableau…
Janelle
Wow, I’m so sorry. I’ll never forget the time my friend and I, poor students at the time, were walking around downtown Ottawa and a homeless guy asked us for money. My friend apologized because he had none, and turned out his pockets to show he wasn’t lying. Then the homeless guy offered HIM change. 🙂 Hang in there!
Janelle recently posted…The Racist Reset Program
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you! That IS a great story. 😉
Brian Sorrell
Just catching up with your blog. Sorry to hear about the layoff. But on a positive note: this is an absolutely brilliantly crafted post. Not only is the language beautiful, but the structure is pure artistry. Thank you for this.
Brian Sorrell recently posted…Salvation
Natalie DeYoung
Wow, thank you so much for the high praise!
Cutter
Sorry about the layoff. Use your time well, and I’m sure the next great opportunity will soon be headed your way.
Cutter recently posted…Pop Pop!
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. 🙂
Larks
I’m so sorry to hear that. ((( hugs ))) Even if you see it coming, getting laid off is never fun.
Larks recently posted…On dead fish and over-promising.
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. I know – even with my advanced warning. :/
Esther
Ouch. I’m so sorry. I hope it doesn’t cause any excessive stress for you. But it sounds like you are on top of things, which is awesome. Best of luck!
Esther recently posted…Resilience
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you, I hope not either.
Chris plumb
How strange. On the day you posted this, my family was on Huntington Beach, splashing in the ocean and our party was talking about people we know who live in the area…I said, “I know a writer who lives somewhere around here.”
I’ll repeat what everyone else is saying, you’ll find your way, and it will be through writing.
Chris plumb recently posted…What I’ve Learned in 1 Year of Blogging
Natalie DeYoung
Pretend that I was waving to you that day. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed the sun.
I’m hoping and praying and keeping my fingers crossed, Chris…
zoe
Natalie,
SO sorry to hear this. I know you will use every opportunity to expand your writing horizons…how often do we look back at times like this years later and say “wow, that’s when IT happened!” I cant tell you how many it moments I discover after I go through them. Hope you are taking best care of yourself! Get the journal yet?
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Zoe – I’ll certainly try!
I know, it’s so true that the most significant events seem to be the ones we can only recognize when looking back.
No, no journal yet, but I’ll keep my eye out…I still can’t believe I won, lol! 🙂
zoe
Please email me or leave me a message if you don’t get it some time this week! It seems like I mailed it a while ago. THanks, Z(of course you should believe you won!)
Natalie DeYoung
Mail in my area sucks…
Joe Cardillo
You are writing some good stuff, maybe it’s a sign it was time for a career change anyway. Shoot me an email when you get a sec, I know a wide variety of people, maybe there’s a connection in there that might be useful.
Joe Cardillo recently posted…There Are No “Real Men” – The search for a role model, and how I learned to live without one
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you – I’m hoping so.
Melissa Olivero
I am sorry about the loss of your job, but your ability to freeze those moments and share them with such clarity… that was brilliant. Hopefully new and wonderful things will come your way soon.
Melissa Olivero recently posted…The ADHD Made The Depression Worse
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. I’m hoping so, too.