The Invisible Woman
Lately I’ve been thinking about invisibility. Not the superpower that would allow you to sneak into places you shouldn’t frequent, but the more attainable kind I’ve always craved – to take up as little space as possible.
It started when I was very young. I was tall, taller than everyone at school, even some teachers. Being teased for my height, I wanted so desperately to be petite and delicate. Instead of a fern, I was a giant redwood.
I stayed silent, subconsciously believing my lack of voice would shrink my physical size. Perhaps then I would go unnoticed, one of the crowd, no longer teased.
But I always stood out, a solid color against the patterned wallpaper of human interaction.
Later, as I grew older, it became clear to me that invisibility was what society demanded of women – at least, women in the circles in which I ran. Shrink back, let the menfolk do the talking. I silenced my opinions, my intellect, and let life happen to me for many wasted years.
This invisibility of course translated to physical weight as I grew older and carried more baggage, so to speak. I wanted my body to shrink, to take up as little space as possible. Dainty, feminine – to be invisible, this is an ideal in our culture for women. Tiny sparrow-thin arms, fragile collar bones, ribs sticking through silky blouses, this was the definition of ideal femininity enveloping my culture.
However, I am none of these. I take up space. I am weighty, even substantive. My ideas and my body take up space, muscular and fleshy. I am re-training my mind to no longer think of this as a negative trait. My solid legs support me as I do yoga; my strong arms lift heavy items on my own without assistance; my voice gives rise to three-dimensional opinions no longer shaped by others’ expectations of me.
I may never be lithe, but now I see that I’d rather be solid than invisible.
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33 Comments
Punky Coletta
Love the line, ‘ I’d rather be solid than invisible.’ This is something I need to work on. I was always bigger than everybody and every other woman around me seemed so tiny and more desirable. Then I met an awesome friend who was even taller and bigger boned than me, and she owned it. I look to her now as inspiration for me owning who I am. Great post! Thanks for the inspiration!
Punky Coletta recently posted…You want to have sex, don’t you?
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, me too. I’m still a work in progress.
Beduwen
Love this! “I am weighty, even substantive.” Shout it out sister! 🙂 It beats the alternative…
Beduwen recently posted…Paulagate – The Downhill Slide of Paula Deen
Natalie DeYoung
Amen!
that cynking feeling
Yes!
that cynking feeling recently posted…Reunited and it feels so . . . awkward
Natalie DeYoung
🙂
icescreammama
I like thinking of myself as substantial as opposed to weighty, much more positive. and yeah, i spent years trying to be invisible, but now I kind of am as a mom, and I am not so into it anymore.
icescreammama recently posted…There’s no crying in baseball!
Natalie DeYoung
Lol, I’m trying to embrace my “weightiness,” but appreciate those who may not. 😉 As long as we all strive for substance…
zoe
lets hear it for solid women everywhere!
Natalie DeYoung
! 🙂
Blogging Bibliophile
I love, love, love the line “…a solid color against the patterned wallpaper of human interaction.” Wow. Fantastic writing.
Blogging Bibliophile recently posted…Freshly Squeezed
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you!
Daniel Nest
Awesome!
Daniel Nest recently posted…Guest Expressed: “Only Slightly Infuriating”
Rob-bear
Interesting thoughts from a woman of substance, who also writes award-wininng haiku. Well done, all round; congratulations.
Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)
Rob-bear recently posted…IN WHICH THINGS RETURN TO “NORMAL”
Natalie DeYoung
Lol, thanks! The haikus are fun! 🙂
Peach
Hello, stranger! Love the new look and ADORE this piece. From one tall, muscular girl to another – I see you. I hear you.
Favorite line: “I take up space. I am weighty, even substantive. My ideas and my body take up space, muscular and fleshy. ”
And thank goodness for that. You’re amazing.
Peach recently posted…The Limit (Part Nine)
Natalie DeYoung
Hey there Peach! Thank you, fellow tall woman of substance.
Dorothy Adele
Nice post, but I don’t understand what you mean by invisibility is expected of women in your circles. I don’t think that I have had that experience.
Natalie DeYoung
Oh man, count yourself lucky. Where I come from, women are ridiculed for voicing their opinions. They are expected to be skinny and silent, shrinking violets – so “invisible” is a bit of a hyperbole.
Ericamos
Oh, the ideal woman that gets shoved in our faces; especially in SoCal. I tend to shrink into invisibility too, but it’s time to be solid.
Ericamos recently posted…Why Free Clinics Are Free
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, me too. I sometimes wish I were invisible, and I’m trying to be more bold.
A Pleasant House
Me too! Screw being invisible! In fact, I believe the reverse is the optimum- AMAZONIAN! Roar…..
A Pleasant House recently posted…The Riptides of People v Zimmerman
Natalie DeYoung
Amazonian…I like that…
Karen
Natalie, this is a powerful piece. I love your writing here.
“But I always stood out, a solid color against the patterned wallpaper of human interaction.” – such a great line.
Strong, powerful women with opinions rule!
Karen recently posted…The Case of the Disappearing Bosoms
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you! Funny how at thirty I’m just learning to embrace this idea…
Rob-bear
I love the commentary going on here. I’ve lived both my personal and professional lives with strong women as colleagues and partners. It’s been great!
And to those who are devastated because they no longer turn heads when they walk into a bar, I say, there’s a lot more to life than that.
But maybe all that’s because I’m, Canadian, eh?
Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)
Rob-bear recently posted…IN WHICH THINGS RETURN TO “NORMAL”
Natalie DeYoung
Canadian opinions are welcome. 🙂 There IS a lot more to life than that.
Stacie
Love this! It’s more important to be healthy and strong. Being visible is WAY better than being a waif!
Stacie recently posted…Catch A Portie By The Tail
Natalie DeYoung
Absolutely! Here’s to health! 🙂
Daniel Nest
Can see now that my original comment apparently didn’t go through. Maybe it was too spammy, because I wrote something along the lines of “awesome”? 🙂
Allow me to reiterate – awesome!
Daniel Nest recently posted…Google, Go Home, You’re Drunk
Natalie DeYoung
Haha, thank you, and yes, I cleared you from the spam folder. 🙂
Katia
I love the subject you chose, love the accompanying images which so perfectly suit it and I love that you’re constantly working on improving your relationship with yourself. No, I admire that. I’ve been often thinking about invisibility too, as a recently acquired trait that really bothers me. This was really thought provoking and stirred some unresolved emotions in me. I might write something about invisibility myself.
Katia recently posted…I am Not Ready to Embrace The Mosquitoes but I’m OK With Nature Now
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you! My relationship with myself has always needed work.