Different Versions of Myself
Everyone has different versions of themselves.
The me I was when I was a teenager – so rebellious and careless – doesn’t really exist anymore…
…except parts of her are still me, resisting authority at all costs.
The me I was at ten – so depressed and filled with worries beyond my years – also doesn’t exist anymore…
…yet she still hides away in my innermost recesses, creeping out when it’s least convenient.
The me I was at twenty – so optimistic and eager to please – also doesn’t exist anymore…
…but she makes an appearance when I can’t let go of my unrealistic hopes.
The me I was four years ago – dead inside and merely existing, like a ghost – haunts my day to day in the fear that she will reemerge…
…as all it would take is one slip to return me to her.
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve always been myself; good, bad, ugly, beautiful, fearful, courageous, depressed, hopeful, passionate, listless. Who I’ve been more of at one time or another is part of my growth into who I am today.
No guarantees about who I will be tomorrow.
– – –
Participating in Finish the Sentence Friday, with the prompt, “I wasn’t really myself when I…”
33 Comments
Michele
It’s so strange how we evolve. There are versions of me I would give anything to go back to, and then versions I am fighting so hard to forget. Very interesting to think about!
Michele recently posted…When the internet attacks
Natalie DeYoung
Yeah, I’ve been thinking too much, lately…
Beduwen
Yes- we are (hopefully) all continually evolving. I wonder if any of us will ever get to our own personal evolutionary nirvana? By the way, you still look like a teenager!
Beduwen recently posted…Fitbit Flex – The Slave Band of Exercise
Natalie DeYoung
Hah! That’s funny. 😉
Janine Huldie
It sounds like you are perfectly right where you should be right now. I agree we all go through different phases in life and it is truly all we go through that shapes (good, bad or indifferent) us. Thanks for sharing and for linking up, too!
Janine Huldie recently posted…I Wasn’t Really Myself~FTSF 33
Natalie DeYoung
For today, at least. 🙂
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real.
You are so awesome, honest, and real. Way to tell it like it is. We all have so many selves to integrate- we are all somewhat similar to Sybil in that way, I have always thought. 🙂
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. recently posted…My Seven-Year-Old and I Grow Up
Natalie DeYoung
I certainly feel like Sybil most days…
Chris Plumb
Wow, what a great concept for a blog…I know it was a prompt, but still, I love what you did with it.
I had a similar idea about what I would change if I could re-do high school all over again. I was spurred by a outcast girl who Facebook friended me, and comments on all my stuff (but adds little jabs, like, “you weren’t like this in high school.”). I know a version of myself from high school, but it might not be accurate.
FWI: We all like the you, you’ve become. Experiences, negative/positive all make us who we are. It’s how we respond that give us character.
Chris Plumb recently posted…Internet Comments Prove America is Angry and Losing It
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks! I know. I’d like to think I wasn’t being myself at my most ugly moments, but…
Dana
This was a fabulous way to handle this prompt, Natalie. All of our past selves make up the self we are today. I hope you are happy with your today-self; you’ve worked hard to get here!
Dana recently posted…My love affair with New Orleans
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks! I’m working on feeling okay with today’s version…
Julie DeNeen
I could identify with this post so much. I’ve been so busy, but I saw it pop up in the newsfeed and clicked on it immediately. Soul sisters! 🙂
Julie DeNeen recently posted…What Does it Mean to Sell Out?
Natalie DeYoung
Definitely. 🙂
Pam
Natalie, I love this. Your post reminds me of how I felt when I reconnected with an old, dear friend.. We hadn’t seen or heard from each other in like 15 years and found each other on FB. When we reconnected, it was like no time had passed, and I thought we are both so different from who we were when we knew each other in high school, yet we are also exactly the same as we were.
Pam recently posted…Reflections
Natalie DeYoung
Yeah, I have had similar experiences where friends and I pick up where we left off. I may be different, but I’m also…not, lol.
Kristi Campbell
I, too, both celebrate and long for and also miss the mes that I’ve been in the past. I love how you chose to do this one. It’s honest and real. I love that. I think all of our past selves will always find a way to revisit us. Maybe that’s not really a bad thing. Maybe that’s the way things are Supposed To Be?
Kristi Campbell recently posted…Sometimes, I’m not myself. By my maybe-autistic son. Sortof.
Natalie DeYoung
I agree, it’s not really a bad thing. I’m glad I’m not FULLY those versions of myself anymore, but at the same time, it’s nice to revisit them once in a while.
Katia
Great description, Natalie, that I think anyone can identify with. I think this is what I was trying to write about as well. Being many me’s all at once but also not being them, you know what I mean?
Katia recently posted…Israel
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, exactly.
Lucy
What a great way of expressing how we change and yet stay somewhat the same 🙂
Lucy recently posted…Saturday Funnies LXXVIII
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks! I’ve been mulling it over awhile…
Lance
Identity is personal and unique as long as it’s honest. It seems like you’ve figured it all out.
I write about this a lot. As long as you know who and what you are, then you have life taken care of.
Lance recently posted…Yer So Bad
Natalie DeYoung
Hardly. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly figure it out, but I’ve been trying lately, as circumstances have been confusing IRL…
Linda Roy
There are so many me’s I’d like to push back into the recesses and then some I want to hold onto. I’m looking forward to the ones that come about as a result of all the soul searching I seem to do. ha! I do believe we’re shaped into who we are from all the bits and pieces of the good and bad.
Linda Roy recently posted…I Don’t Like Mondays Blog Hop: Hop On…Hop!
Natalie DeYoung
I know, some versions of me I’d like to forget about…and I agree with you.
Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha
Ooooh, I love this…. We are always changing and growing with every breath!
Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha recently posted…Mindfulness and Gratitude: Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils
Natalie DeYoung
Absolutely!
Kate Hall
This is so true. I wrote a bunch of things and said they weren’t really me, but they were – just mostly me being a butt-hole. I love that picture of you, btw. 🙂
Kate Hall recently posted…I Went to a Wedding and Was Put at the “Old People” Table
Natalie DeYoung
Dancing queen, lol.
Roshni
I think my younger self would be amazed and/or perplexed if she got a glimpse of me today!
Wonderful take on the prompt!
Roshni recently posted…Bed-wetting and older kids
Natalie DeYoung
Me too, ha. I think my younger self thought older me would be rich…
Samantha Brinn Merel
I’m not sure how I missed this one when you posted it last week, but I love it. I love how you can look back and see yourself exactly as you were through the years, understanding that all those versions of yourself are what shaped you into who you are today.
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…This Is Thirty: Love For Thirty Project