This blog started out as a life-preserver I threw myself. Going to school for something much grander than what I ended up doing, I settled for a menial job instead of a mentally stimulating, challenging career; the absolute last scenario I envisioned when planning out my life, but I’ve heard it said that life isn’t all that interested in your plans, nor your Herculean efforts to make them reality. Sometimes the economy crashes and your chosen field of work disappears. Sometimes you end up with strange flesh-eating viruses that cut your life short. Sometimes loved ones die. Sometimes you have to do shit you don’t want to do in order to put food on the table. That’s just life.
I needed an escape hatch from the pedestrian life I had tried so hard to avoid, yet found myself living out of necessity.
Back before I started, I had written a few posts on my then-skeletal site, stalked a few other blogs, but did not go public with anything because I didn’t believe anyone would read what I wrote, didn’t believe I could come up with regular content, didn’t think I had enough spare time, sincerely thought everyone would hate me and then I’d wind up dead in an alley somewhere with a knife sticking out of my back – because that’s what happens to failed bloggers, right? I used every excuse to stay anonymously in the shadows.
See, it meant a lot to me that I succeeded, and I was terrified I wouldn’t. To be candid, I have failed at a lot in life. A lot. I didn’t want to add another notch on my belt o’ failures, which is hiding in the back of my closet because who wants to wear that shiz?
Last August, I finally realized I had built a shrine to my failures by not taking risks. Frustrated with my going-nowhere life, I decided to shove my insecurities aside and just DO IT, ALREADY. What did I have to lose, at that point? Not a whole lot, other than my ego, and believe me, I was willing to sacrifice it on the altar of possible-happiness.
So welcome to my escape portal. We have cookies.
In the few months since this blog’s birth, I found something I didn’t have before:
Hope that tomorrow will be better than today. Hope that I’ll create a place in the world for myself. Hope in the communities I’ve discovered here.
Hope that I can write myself free.
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Trying something new today…I’m in a blogging rut.