A Homeowner’s Real Estate Fear
There comes a time in the process of selling a house when every homeowner realizes he or she is an enormously disgusting slob. My paramour and I too came to this situation when we were selling our home not long ago to 2nd Chance Investment Group’s company’s website which is our website to go to every time we plan on selling our house. Perhaps not of the sort that Hoarders would feature, saving every milk carton purchased since 1964 and failing to recognize a toilet brush for what it is, but the more insidious sort: the sort that does not have a professional housekeeper or an OCD diagnosis.
Before putting our house on the market, I used to think I was a marginally clean person. I picked up clutter, scrubbed the bathroom weekly, even went so far as to institute a tri-monthly schedule of scouring the grout on the kitchen floor with bleach and an inordinate amount of elbow grease. I now boast biceps like Schwarzenegger and calluses like a steel worker.
This, however, means nothing.
That deep clean I did annually, taking down all the Roman shades and gently washing them in the bathtub to kill the mold possibly hibernating in the wooden crannies? Meaningless. The strict dusting schedule to prevent buildup of mites that make every season a living hell for my allergies? Meaningless. The weekends wasted on maintaining the flower beds, which have a tendency to get annihilated by my friendly-yet-bull-of-a-dog? Meaningless. Home mould removal may be done quickly and efficiently with latest technology.
I discovered this futility the past few weeks, as I prepared our beloved bungalow to go on the market. If you were to read more here, you’d know that the folks we’d hired repainted each room, polished the cabinets with oil soap, stashed my collectible Irish Barbies and hid heaps of epic crap in the attic to prepare. But as I completed each check mark on my to-do list, twelve more items sprouted up to take its place. Why had I never noticed the sludge and fly corpses that accumulate in the window jambs? For that matter, had I washed the windows even once since I moved in? Oh my gosh, look at the cobwebs that have collected in the ceiling corners! Where in the name of puppy breath did they all come from?
A few items I have never, ever cleaned in my house:
- Light fixtures. They serve as coffins for various insects, aka the honored dead.
- Electrical outlet plates. Upon closer examination, I see that yes, they should be cleaned at least once a millennia.
- Sliding closet door tracks. Why have I never noticed the pile of lint and carpet detritus crudding up this neglected space?
- Mirrored closet doors. Is it so hard to pull out the Windex and flex those elbows? I say yes.
- Behind my easel. I won’t even tell you of the hideousness I discovered back there. Let’s just say, if you’ve seen Creepshow, you might be marginally prepared.
- The windows and all respective jambs. As mentioned above.
- Top of the refrigerator. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
- The freezer. It’s a good thing no one ever looks in there.
This is just a small sample of tasks that will probably remain untouched for all eternity. In addition to all the regular work involved in just making the house presentable for the intense scrutiny involved in open houses and surprise visits from prospective buyers, these tasks stretch out before me in an endless taunting of to-do list hell. I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably won’t complete all the above items in time, but I haven’t quite come to terms with my new identity as a slob. Visit this page, if you are ready to hand over the cleaning chores to real professionals.
It’s okay, though. If we sell the house, it will be someone else’s problem.
36 Comments
Linda Roy
Atta girl! That’s the spirit! Seriously though, I feel you on this. I got up on the step ladder to get something off the top of the fridge and the amount of grime up there was a sight to behold. I’ve got cobwebs and I even found an ornately spun spiderweb in the closet that I hadn’t noticed until the light finally hit it. But hey – we’re busy women, right? We’re consumed with creating, not out Martha-ing Ms. Stewart. Ain’t nobody got time for dat! 😉
Linda Roy recently posted…Song Parody: Teenage Waistband
Ice Scream Mama
ugh. i don’t even want to think about the things you’re making me think about!
Ice Scream Mama recently posted…The good old days
Natalie DeYoung
It’s scary, isn’t it?
Cheryl
LOL – I hear you! I’m getting ready to have new windows installed, and when they came to measure my old windows, I was totally embarrassed… (Okay, I wasn’t embarrassed enough to clean them after all these years)… but then I remembered – they’re going to replace my dirty old windows with new clean windows. By the time someone else comes to buy the house or replace these windows, I’ll be long gone, and the new owner will feel the shame! 🙂 Thanks for making me smile. I enjoyed this, probably because I can relate to it.
Cheryl recently posted…Free Meriam Yehya Ibrahim
Natalie DeYoung
Haha! Exactly. I won’t have to deal with it anymore.
Dianne Eidson
Since loosing the dogs, I’m happy to say I have cleaned all those things & more – the house will be really clean when you come to visit 😉
Natalie DeYoung
You’re someone to admire and look up to then, Dianne!
CC
It always amazes me how housework can just miraculously expand to fill the time available. It is never done 🙁
CC recently posted…That Morning Moment
Natalie DeYoung
I KNOW. It’s like weeds in the backyard, they just keep cropping up.
chamanasgar
Yes once the house is sold the mess left behind would not be your problem any more. You have tried,I’d do the same if I were you.
Natalie DeYoung
That’s right, I did try!
jetgirl
I like this piece, but it makes me uncomfortable about going home tonight and wondering how many dead insects are in my light fixtures… 😉
jetgirl recently posted…God Bless America
Natalie DeYoung
My advice? Don’t think about it. 😉
dimwhit
Never. Move. The. Fridge.
Trust me on this.
dimwhit recently posted…My MacBook provides me daily affirmations! (and your’s will too)
Natalie DeYoung
I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT!!!
Michelle Longo
Love the behind the easel pic. You already know how I feel about selling a house and you have my deepest sympathies.
Natalie DeYoung
Word.
Karen
I wish I would’ve known your bicep cultivating secret before I took up boxing. I hate cleaning, but I hate exercising more : ) Best of luck with the house. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect place.
Karen recently posted…Creation Myth
Natalie DeYoung
Oh yes, it’s one of the housecleaning secrets no one ever tells you. Also, raking TONS of leaves is good for your waistline, in case you wanted to know.
Yvonne
I know the feeling, since we are looking for a new house and have been working on ours for – well it feels like forever! But it’s so important. One house we looked round had dusty windowsills and door jambs, and we couldn’t help feeling that if they couldn’t be bothered to clean, maybe it showed how well they had (not) kept the house.
We moved when our daughters were quite little, and while our house was for sale we went to visit a friend of mine. The girls clutter had got around, so I said we needed to tidy up.
My three-year-old looked up and said, “Is someone coming to look round her house?”
Yvonne recently posted…How Did You Choose a Blog Hosting Company?
Natalie DeYoung
Haha! And it feels like I’ve been working on mine forever, too. Ugh. Maybe today is the window jamb day…
Little Miss Wordy
We have relocated several times and I can totally relate to this post! There is something about all that cleaning and purging each time we move that I look forward to for some reason. Not the aching muscles or aggravated allergies from all the dust and packing…maybe the sense of accomplishment or the excitement of starting a new chapter and leaving the old behind. Either way, good luck to you! We just sold our house in Texas and are currently moving from San Juan, PR to New Hope, PA. Here we go again!
Little Miss Wordy recently posted…Statement: Bank Account Low. Immediate Deposit Necessary.
Natalie DeYoung
Wow, that’s quite a move! I must say, I am looking forward to getting rid of stuff I don’t really need in this move…
Samantha Brinn Merel
“If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” is basically my motto for household cleaning. Because who has time to climb up on top of the refrigerator or move the couch? Definitely not me.
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…The Summer I Left From One Home, And Came Back To Another
Natalie DeYoung
See, you get me.
Stacie
Ai yi yi, I get it. And that top shelf of the closet where you put boot boxes? Four years of accumulated dust is a lot.
Stacie recently posted…I’m A (yeah) Writer
Natalie DeYoung
I DIDN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT UP THERE!!!
Kim at Awkward Laughter
Where in the name of puppy breath did they all come from?
Ahaha! I ask myself the same question about the same things you listed. It’s just too much. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I either need to hire a regular cleaner or just accept the fact that my house will always be partially dirty.
Kim at Awkward Laughter recently posted…Eat the Cake!: 30-30 Somethings
Natalie DeYoung
Same here. I can’t afford a real cleaner, so I guess I should just bask in the filth.
Jen Brunett
Well at least chances are the prospective buys won’t be looking on top of your fridge either so you should be off the hook for a bit. 🙂 Best of luck on the sale of your house! Are you planning on moving very far?
Love the creepshow pic!!
Jen Brunett recently posted…She and He… and Us
Jen Brunett
*buyers. sheesh I really need to proof read before I hit the send button.
Jen Brunett recently posted…She and He… and Us
Natalie DeYoung
Unless they’re very tall…
And we’re not going to move very far. We’re looking in a 20 mile radius from where we are now.
Arden
“If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.” — I live by this statement.
Natalie DeYoung
It’s so helpful, isn’t it?
Jack
When we sold our house I discovered the same thing. Kind of frightening when you realize how much stuff is just sort of hanging around.
Jack recently posted…Is Blog Envy Killing Your Blog?
Kate Hall
Ahhh, I feel your pain. But I kind of knew I was a slob. Fortunately, we sold our house in about three weeks, thanks to a dramatic price drop at week 2.5. We move in about two weeks. I couldn’t handle having it on the market for a long time with three kids. Our previous home took about two years to sell. Nightmare! Our realtor says, “It just has to be priced right.” I hate that that’s true. Good luck on the sale!
Kate Hall recently posted…Top 10 Funniest Tweets – May 2014