Because I’m in Rehab
When I was in a rehab, which was as good as the delray beach rehab, I made sure I mentioned that fact to everyone I met.
To the checker at the grocery store down the road: “Could you double bag this 24-pack of soda? I have to walk, because I’m in rehab.”
To the passenger next to me on the Coaster: “I’m very excited to be taking a day trip! See, I’m in rehab, so I don’t get to go out much.”
To the gas station attendant, where the cigarettes were cheaper: “Do you carry Marlboro 100’s? They’re not for me – I don’t smoke. I’m buying them for a friend. See, because we’re in rehab and she is still under the two month restriction period, I’m getting her cigarettes for her. Don’t worry, she’s over 18. I would never buy cigarettes for a minor.”
See, I didn’t really belong there. I was not a trouble maker in high school! I didn’t even start drinking until the age of 23! I didn’t have any tattoos! I paid my bills! I got good grades! I was writing a Master’s Thesis on Jane Austen!
I wanted to be a good citizen. I didn’t belong there.
The other girls had been to jail. The other girls had DUIs. They had lost children to CPS. They explained to me how you could use a lightbulb to cook meth. I had never even been offered drugs, much less known any drug dealers.
Some of the girls had even been homeless for decades, their ruddy skin and awkward social skills making them as unpredictable as skittish animals.
I wasn’t like them.
But.
But I could have easily gotten a DUI. I could have easily killed someone.
I was technically homeless, though it didn’t last long enough for me to miss a shower. If my loved ones hadn’t stopped me, I would have drank myself to death. Or worse, lived on in an animalian state until I gave myself brain damage.
Or committed suicide.
Because by the time I got into rehab, I was thinking about how I would do it. I didn’t know how to live without drinking.
So just because I was lucky, didn’t mean I didn’t belong there. After all, how many people go to rehab because they don’t need it?
So I mentioned it to everyone. I still do.
– – –
This is for people who need help, but don’t know they need it.
– – –
Trying something new this week at my friend Heather’s blog. I met her at BlogHer, and she’s amazing.
49 Comments
Celeste
Sharing this with some very important people in my life. Thank you for writing it.
Celeste recently posted…July On A Warm Summer Earth, Looking Up At A Clear Summer Sky
Natalie DeYoung
🙂 Glad I can help, even in the smallest way.
Considerer
Keep mentioning it. A very worthwhile dose of Truth Telling.
Considerer recently posted…When the soul shivers in awe
Natalie DeYoung
I can’t ever let myself forget.
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife
Powerfully written, proud of you.
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife recently posted…Monday’s Life Lesson
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. 🙂
Michelle Longo
Your bravery in sharing your story is very much appreciated. Thank you.
Michelle Longo recently posted…Wellness Wednesday: Week 4
Natalie DeYoung
🙂
Suzanne
Excellent piece of writing, as per usual. Your candour is one of my favourite things about you.
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you, Suzanne. Sometimes I feel like it’s the best I can do.
Christie
I love this post for every reason
Christie recently posted…Introducing My Ginger-Haired Writing Muse: Louis CK
Natalie DeYoung
🙂
Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha
So brave, and so important to share. You are inspiring.
Sarah | LeftBrainBuddha recently posted…Mindfulness and Gratitude: Transition Time
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. It was hard, but it’s necessary.
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Terrye
I am so happy that you are here today. You do whatever you have to do to keep putting one foot in front of the other and spreading the word that there is help out there.
Terrye recently posted…Do You Think You REALLY Know Me? Probably Not.
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Terrye – me too. I am very lucky.
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Chris Plumb
The Marlboro 100’s anecdote cracked me up. I know this is serious, but I dealt with customers who said things like this when I worked a gas station store. Most of our customers were addicts of some sort: alcohol, tobacco, junk food, lottery (keno), and they were always oversharing why they were purchasing this or that vice.
De Niro voice: “You, you’re good…you’ve got a gift my friend.”
Chris Plumb recently posted…Turning the Tide in Our Favor.
Natalie DeYoung
Ha! No, it’s true – you get the most honesty at the gas station. 😉 Thank you.
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Kate Hall
Wow, great post Natalie. Very brave. Thank you!
Kate Hall recently posted…Taking Kids Out for Breakfast Kind of Sucks
Natalie DeYoung
Thanks, Kate. 🙂
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Pam
Wow, this was great writing, and so brave of you to put it out there.
Pam recently posted…Just Gu It Already (Redux)
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. It isn’t always easy to be so candid.
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Evie
Crossing my fingers for you:):)xxx
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. 🙂
Natalie DeYoung recently posted…Beautiful Music
Lisa pagan
Oh, the joys of rehab…the Eiffel Tower-that’s in France-right? I love you so! Lisa
Natalie DeYoung
I love you too, Lisa. You kept me sane. 😉
Karen
It takes courage to recognize that we’re all on the same path. Thanks for writing this!
Karen recently posted…The Queen of the Buried Lede
Natalie DeYoung
Courage is hard to come by, but so rewarding.
Patti
Good on you. Hope the person who needs to hear, does.
Patti recently posted…Oh, Baby! Game of Thrones Inspired Halloween
Natalie DeYoung
I do too. It’s the only way sometimes I can think to help.
Robbie
Very powerful message and brave of you to share. keep sharing.
Robbie recently posted…In the Midst
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real.
You are amazing, Natalie. Brave, generous, honest.
Stephanie @ Mommy, for Real. recently posted…Shaping Our Children’s Character: How Much Molding is Too Much?
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you for the encouragement, Stephanie.
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow
Wow. I’m so in awe of your bravery. Kudos to you for sharing it here.
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted…Please Don’t Make Me Explain the Importance of Thank You
Natalie DeYoung
Sometimes bravery feels a lot like lunacy, lol. But it’s important to remember and let other people in.
Thekitchwitch
Well, hello there, sister. I think I know you. At least the inside of you. I wish you nothing but the best. Maybe saying it aloud is your wish to stay firm in your decision. Good on you.
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. I don’t want to forget where I came from, and how lucky I am to have escaped a very different fate. 🙂
Samantha Brinn Merel
Keep saying it, over and over again. You are brave and amazing.
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…Upper West Side Memories
Natalie DeYoung
Thank you. It’s hard to put the ugly out there on the internet, but important.
Katia
I agree with everyone who called this post brave. It’s also very minimalistic and conveys the point perfectly and tastefully without many distractions (sorry, I didn’t mean for this to sound like a literary analysis, but basically I applaud you for the bravery and lack of whininess when talking about such an emotionally charged topic. I will stop my ramble now).
Katia recently posted…How Life With 4-Year-Old is Just Like Being in The Mob. I Would Imagine.
Natalie DeYoung
No, I love literary analysis – that’s my primary language. Keep it coming. 😉
And thank you. It’s hard to write about things that will most certainly make people think less of you…
Donetta
This is a wonderfully brave post. I had stopped by from Tuesday’s Mixtape, and seen this title. Of course, I had to read the post, because, well, I have also been in rehab. Not for drinking. I do understand that feeling of looking around at the huge diversity of people and thinking, wait a second, my children are with me, well, not at that moment, but their father was at the home I owned with them. I had spent 10 days in jail, but that was for not having a license, never mind the fact I was driving to an outpatient treatment center everyday and so not having a license wasn’t that important. Hmm, okay, yeah, I belong here. This is very amazing and I’m glad you received help before something worse happened. I’m just now to the point I feel okay talking about my situation. So I find you extremely groovy for putting this out there!!! 🙂
Natalie DeYoung
Oh, a sister in sobriety! I love meeting people who have been through it – so few have had that distinct experience, of rehab, I mean. I don’t think many people ever feel like they belong in rehab; that’s why so few stay clean. That’s also why many don’t get help, they rationalize that their lives aren’t quite the same train wreck as others…
And yeah, I knew I needed to be there, even if I didn’t quite look like everyone else on the outside; my insides were the same. I was a drunk. And thank God for that place. It gave me back my life.
So glad you stopped by today!
Lance
One my (least) favorite things I said when I went through it was “yeah, just trying to make it day by day, because I’m in rehab”.
I used to say the only thing worse than a drunk/addict is a former drunk/addict. But then I started writing again and eventually blogging and now know people likeme, you know, like us, and I know that recovery can be funny, poignant, stupid, interesting, helpful, and meaningful.
Thanks for posting this. *fistbump*
Lance recently posted…Gigantic – Twisted Mixtape Tuesday
Natalie DeYoung
🙂 Yeah, I’ve often felt that there’s nothing worse than a former drunk. But it’s vastly better than a current drunk, and those were my two choices.
You’re right – recovery can be all those things.
tedstrutz
This story is so true. I was not in rehab per say, but in a court imposed ‘education’ program, after an encounter with some mailboxes. I didn’t belong there… but, yeah I did. I was lucky. It was the wakeup that saved my life. I wanted everyone to know I did not drink alcohol… like a badge of pride. That was 17 years ago. I don’t obsess about letting people know that now, I know it and that’s enough… but then, it was important and helped me. When people asked me if I wanted a beer, I would say “I don’t drink alcohol”, now I just say “No thank you”. But, I remember that Alcohol is patient… and I never let my guard down… so far it has worked. Keep your guard up, Natalie, and you will do just fine.
tedstrutz recently posted…The Speakeasy #146: THE MAGICIAN’S ASSISTANT
Natalie DeYoung
Yeah, I no longer care who knows. It doesn’t define me anymore. Thank you for reading.
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