Loose Ends — 35 Comments

  1. Well done. I like the layers between the guy on phone and the girl. Obviously there is something there. And the timeless feel of Paris. This could be today or during the time of the expatriates ( I’m not sure when the adjective studly or hookah bars became en vogue). Now you’ve got me speaking French.

    • Thank you, Chris! In my mind it was taking place about ten years ago, before the ubiquity of cell phones but after the Middle Eastern invasion of culture into Paris. This was one of those stories that told itself, my favorite kind. 🙂

  2. Long distant relationships, sigh, and all the many things we do not say. Yes, you’ve captured that perfectly! I especially connected with the dingy hotel room and the way it seems to contradict with an underlying sense of opportunity and freshness, the hint of new beginnings.

    Nice work 🙂

  3. Lovely piece of writing! Your dialogue is really good – it tells us a lot about the characters in a nice, subtle way. And I love the descriptions of the hotel – very vivid. Great job!

  4. First foray into publicly displayed fiction? Well done, right out of the gate. I like the small detail how she both loved and hated his voice. Says it all, right there. Great title for the piece – loose ends – indeed.

  5. I can almost smell Paris now, just reading this! It’s a really sweet start.

    Just a query – why is the receptionist in pyjamas?

  6. I love the fragment of a lobby, excellent detail to really bring home the forlorn location. I also love that she’s so open to anything — as you should be when traveling alone!

  7. Yay for you for putting your words out there in this way! I enjoyed this, the flow was really nice and you managed to pack quite a lot into few words, something I’m terrible at. I really felt her angst and I love the positive feeling I got about loose ends by the end of the piece. The only thing I wanted to know more about was why these two were still talking (and internationally) if they’ve broken up, but even that wasn’t such a big deal because it wasn’t the point of the story.

    Well done. Do it more 🙂

    • Thank you. 🙂 I was wondering what you’d think.

      And the thing you were wondering? She was wondering too…everyone is wondering… 😉
      This may be a stepping stone for a larger story in the future, too. That’s what I love about writing, it can take on so many forms.

  8. Love it! Will you be continuing this story on your blog? I’m dying to know more. Bravo for your writing skill and bravery in presenting your fiction to the big world.

    • Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I hadn’t thought about continuing it serially on the blog, but I have thought of extending it into a novel. I’m definitely going to be doing a fictional piece once a week, so maybe I will write serially. I’ll keep everyone updated on Twitter & my FB page.
      Thanks for stopping by!

  9. Well done! Isn’t it funny how writing fiction can be scarier than the non-fiction sort of blogging we usually do? You’d think it would be the other way around. This is great and I’m so happy to see you bravely putting it out there!!! You are inspiring me….

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