– – Warning: this post may contain unusual amounts of introspection. Please tread carefully. – –

The breakthrough moment.

I didn’t want to be an alcoholic.


I was so in love with alcohol, it was tantamount to a death sentence.


I didn’t want to stop drinking.


But I knew I would die if I didn’t.


Hmm, giving up the thing you love most in the world?


I couldn’t do it.


I didn’t want to do it.


The only hope I had was that I wanted to want to.


So I prayed to my God.


Help me to want to. Just help me to want to stop. I’ll do the footwork, but I need help.


Because I knew if I wanted it, I could do it, if only with that help.


– – –


Almost three years later, that hope is still my reality.


Never give up your hope.

This is an uncharacteristically thoughtful post inspired by fellow Lawsbian Melanie Crutchfield, who had the idea of commemorating the 2012 Olympics with a Hope relay for the blogging community. If you’d like to take up the torch, please do so and write about Hope as you know it, then share with everyone else. At the end of the Olympics, Melanie will compile all the posts from the relay and host a Closing Ceremony! Fun!



Hope, Part I – because you can never have enough hope — 7 Comments

  1. Damn. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you. And yet… It amazes me what the human spirit can survive and how much can rise from the ashes. Thank you for giving me one more reason to believe.

  2. I think that this speaks so true of all “addictions”. Loving and depending on something that’s so dangerous, or bad for you. So many of us can relate to this in one way or another. Stay strong! Thanks for keeping hope alive 🙂

  3. Pingback: Hope 2012: Closing Ceremonies « Melanie Crutchfield

  4. Hope.

    No matter how many words we try to use, we always come up short with what HOPE is.

    It’s beyond a life line, a life saver: it transcends all that physical stuff: it is something that we feel in our souls.

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