First Day
The woman wore jeans and a white tank-top, standing against a stark white background. Her mouth was slightly open in a pouty half-smirk, and she looked directly at the camera.
“What do you see when you look at this picture?” the professor asked, gesturing to the screen at the front of the classroom. She looked right at me.
Of course I was the first person she asked. It was my very first class as a graduate student, and I had no idea what I was supposed to see. A woman? In stylish clothing? She was pretty?
“Um, well, she looks well-dressed?” I suggested, because it was the only thing I could think to say. The fifteen other students studied the picture on the projected screen with carefully knit frowns adorning their brows.
The professor tilted her head at me, her heavily beaded earrings touching her shoulders. She pursed her lips almost imperceptibly.
“Well, possibly. Shayla, what do you see?”
Shayla, a diminutive woman with a pixie face, enormous eyes and a shaved head leaned back at her desk, which formed the outer wedge of the circle we had fashioned from our desks at the start of class.
“What strikes me is her agency. She is clearly dressed as a sexual being, with the semi-transparent shirt and the glistening skin, but she looks directly at the camera. There is power in her gaze.”
The professor nodded, “Yes, yes. She channels her sexual energy through her eyes. It is almost challenging.”
Agency? Channeling sexual energy?
Oh, now I could see it. I hadn’t seen the details, caught the tone. I only saw her expensive clothing. From a marketing standpoint, I supposed this was what I was supposed to see.
The professor walked towards the screen as she addressed us again. “So how does this photo compare with the story I handed out at the beginning of class?”
Lady Godiva. Naked woman on horseback. I thought frantically back to that eternity ago when I had first read it, fifteen minutes prior. As far as I was concerned the two bore no resemblance. The main characters were both women, I guessed.
“Sexualization of the female body,” a serious looking girl with straight brown hair answered. “The difference between being acted upon, and doing the acting.”
“Exactly,” the professor nodded, bangles bobbing furiously up and down. “What I want us to pay attention to this semester are the bodies we read about. Are they sick? Are they powerful? Are they victimized? Medieval literature is an amazingly corporeal art form, and to fully understand the medieval person, we must understand their relationships to their bodies.”
Sheer embarrassment held me glued to my chair for the remaining hour. I would be lost all semester, I knew. I should just leave now, I thought, glancing at the door.
But as I looked down and reread the text, tuning out all around me for a minute, I saw what they described. Maybe I could learn to see it all on my own, in time.
I decided to stay – at least for the next hour.
– – –
First week back with Yeah Write! Be kind folks, I may be rusty…
Also, you should join us, because a winner may walk away with a handful of amazing books…
39 Comments
Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me
Oh no! That is how I always felt about poetry back in school!
Natalie DeYoung
Me too – until I learned the secret tricks. 😉
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow
Yeah, I’m just not that much of an art critic at all. I’m with you, chica. 🙂
I need to do Yeah Write, in other news.
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted…Guest Post: Why I Am Ungrateful For Pink, Plastic and Princesses
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, you need to do Yeah Write. 😉
Ericamos
Oh my gosh, I would have been lost entirely!! And I always hated/admired the students who could speak so eloquently when called upon. Ask me to write a paper discussing the comparison between a written work and a painting, and I’d nail it, but call me on the spot, and I become a babbling mess. Way to go for sticking through the course!
Ericamos recently posted…A Sunrise in the Mountains
Natalie DeYoung
I may have ended up being able to speak eloquently in class, but as this post shows, I certainly didn’t start out there! I *almost* bailed.
Considerer
Yep, I would’ve been in another class entirely – drawing with crayons and getting a sticker. That sounded intense!
Considerer recently posted…TToT: Meet the Co-hosts 3
Natalie DeYoung
Ha! Yeah, this was a whole other level…
Vanessa
I never see those hidden meanings just the obvious and sometimes not even that.
Vanessa recently posted…I can’t hear you, could you speak up?
Natalie DeYoung
Let me tell you, it took a lot of practice to be observant, which I am not naturally.
that cynking feeling
Did it get better? That seemed like a foreign language to me.
that cynking feeling recently posted…Discomfort food
Natalie DeYoung
Yes! It absolutely did. I just had to start paying closer attention, something I was never good at.
Mamarific
Oh, I don’t think I would have gotten that one either. Hated being called on in class. Always made my stomach do flip-flops. You captured that here.
Mamarific recently posted…Adamant About Antmusic
Natalie DeYoung
It was somehow compounded the first day, first class in grad school. I don’t know how I made it through those first few seminars…
Misty
Wow. Yeah, I would NOT have seen that from the picture you described. And I would be lost as well. But hang in there. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it. It’s just like riding a horse. Or something. 😉
Misty recently posted…The Neverending Nothingness
Natalie DeYoung
I did – this class was years ago. I was trying to remember what it felt like to be a novice in my field…I still remember that first day very clearly!
But I like what you did with the horse thing. 😉
icescreammama
i felt out of my league in almost all of my lit classes.
icescreammama recently posted…Scale. You’re going down!
Natalie DeYoung
I certainly did that first semester…
Christie
I felt like that almost every single day of graduate school. It was tough! Welcome back!!!
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, and that’s what I love – a challenge. Maybe I’m just a masochist. 😉
A Pleasant House
Some times the most learned among us are just dead wrong- an apple can be JUST an apple. I hope you stood your ground.
A Pleasant House recently posted…Making Time
Natalie DeYoung
I did, when the occasion called for it…in the beginning though, I was just learning.
Joe
I would have failed that class.
Joe recently posted…Six Degrees of Senator Al Franken
Natalie DeYoung
Ha! You know, there was always only one or two males in the class, which puzzled me because I always thought literature was a man’s game…
Mary @ A Teachable Mom
I would have been right there with you only happy I hadn’t been called on! It’s cool you were able to stay with those feelings and learn at your own pace. Inspiring!
BTW-It was soooo great to meet you at BlogHer! Definitely a highlight!
Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted…Souvenirs For Everyone
Natalie DeYoung
Yes, a highlight for me, too. 🙂
I’m so glad I stuck around – it turned out I had a lot to learn!
Samantha Brinn Merel
I went through an art history phase in high school and felt exactly like this during my first class. Once I figured it all out a few months in, it was like I had learned a secret and complex language that barely anyone else knew, and it was amazing.
Samantha Brinn Merel recently posted…Yoga As The Sun Comes Up
Natalie DeYoung
Yes! I loved the feeling of learning to speak a different language!
I haven’t stopped speaking it yet. 🙂
Michelle Longo
I hope the rest of the semester went well. So hard when you feel like you make a mistake right off the bat.
Michelle Longo recently posted…I’m Not Sure I Want To Know.
Natalie DeYoung
It all ended up a wonderful experience, but man, I didn’t know if I’d make it the first two weeks!
Shanique
Is it odd that i fell like this nearly everyday? Especially when i am reading poetry or reading people posts :/ I have much to learn…
Shanique recently posted…I am Shanique Roca
Shanique
ugh that should be ****FEEL
Shanique recently posted…I am Shanique Roca
Natalie DeYoung
What an exciting place to be in, though! I love to learn; especially after the first few awkward mistakes. 🙂
Chris Plumb
I jumped into a mid level (200?) philosophy course once, and it was like taking Kligon 125. Academia has its own languages, and sometimes its best to just sit and watch, and then drop the class before you get charged for it.
Well written, like always.
Chris Plumb recently posted…Perfection, like in Diamonds, Comes at a Steep Price.
Natalie DeYoung
Haha, true. I ended up learning to speak Klingon fluently, but those first few weeks were a bitch.
Linda Roy
I’ve always had a hard time with analytical critique type classes. I know what I’m thinking or feeling, but putting it out there in an eloquent and productive way in settings like songwriting roundtables and art critiques was always a killer. Glad you stuck with it and that it turned out to be a great experience!
Linda Roy recently posted…While the Iron’s Hot
Natalie DeYoung
It took quite a few times of speaking my ignorance and feeling stupid, let me tell you!
Ilene
Oh, I would have made the same or similar comment as you and then felt as if I hadn’t “gotten it” afterward. I’m glad you stayed!
Ilene recently posted…I Heart Robert
Jen
Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here my friend, but it seems I arrived on just the right post! Oh how I know how you felt that day! But once it clicks then your hooked and you can’t wait to read it deeper. Beautiful post!
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