Typical Conversation with Mike:

Me: I’m going to take Rusty for a walk.

Mike: Oh great, I’ll come with you.

Me: If you’re coming, do you think we could bring Mimi? I could strap her in, you know, like a Baby Bjorn?

Mike: Yes, I like where this is going…

Me: BITTY BJORN! It’s a brilliant idea!

Mike: Your best one yet.

See, I’m often scheming about ways to take the cat with me, because I know she absolutely hates it. Like most normal cats, Mimi detests going places against her will. She also can’t stand being held, because she’s half feral. If she wants affection, it’s completely on her terms (this is why I love her – she doesn’t take any shit. Or maybe I just like emotionally withholding animals). So the idea of taking her anywhere fills me with glee, especially if it involves tucking her in my purse or some such other torture device.

Typical Saturday night. That's a power drill carrier, btw.

Typical Saturday night. That’s a power drill carrier, btw.

Also, “bitty” is my personal nickname for kitties, as in, “bitty-kitty.” I say this in a tone that implies I would like to eat anything adorable. Yes, I am super creative and weird.

Actually, Mike is really the creative one in the relationship, he just doesn’t admit it. He was the one that started singing classic rock songs and inserting our pet’s names into key parts. In my favorite example, he was the one responsible for adapting “Me and Rusty Down By the Schoolyard.” His more contemporary attempt, “Call Me Mimi,” was effective at getting that stupid song stuck in my head, so win for him. Sometimes he freestyles, though. Boy’s got talent – don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise!

So anyway, I worked up a prototype of my brilliant idea. Let me know what you guys think.

My prototype. Nobody steal this idea, okay? It's mine.

My prototype. Nobody steal this idea, okay? It’s mine.


My Million Dollar Idea — 25 Comments

  1. Hilarious! I also have a self-absorbed cat. She’s a complete wack job on top of being aloof. I make her at least speak to me before I feed her. Otherwise she just runs past me as if I don’t exist, and her food somehow miraculously just appears in her dish.

  2. Cats; why’d it have to be cats. (Nice photoshopping skills).

    Every time I try to force cats to do something uncatlike I always end up with a bite and claw marks. Cats don’t like to dance, wrestle, be tossed in the air, clean the floor like a mop…

    Now my dog, he will literally let me do anything as long as he’s getting attention. Sometimes my daughters will trap him in a clothes hamper and he won’t whimper or anything…just stay until they release him.
    Chris Plumb recently posted…10 Ways I’m Going to Screw Up my Children on Father’s Day.My Profile

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