How to Feel Better When You Just Want to Punch Life in the Kidneys
This week sucked. No, my kitty didn’t die, I didn’t lose my job, nor did I catch any new exotic illnesses this week (yet). Without going into extraneous detail, I just don’t like dealing with icky stuff from the past, and that’s what this week was all about, apparently. Ick. Sometimes life just sucks and doesn’t hand you a tidy explanation. I may not have completely grown up, but I do know that much. Take that, public school education! To combat this inevitable suckiness that life throws in everyone’s way now and again, I tried a few home remedies to bolster my mood. I make it my business to proactively fight…
I am a Rock, I am an Island
My lovely sponsor (yes, I do have one of those) has pointed out to me that I do not reach out to people nearly enough. Apparently, this is a key characteristic of the alcoholic as a species. And I thought it was just me (another quality of the alcoholic). I have always been a loner, and I do not reach out for help, ever. NEVER-EVER. That’s part of what got me into trouble in the first place with my drinking; when I couldn’t handle anymore pressure, I did not reach out. I internalized. I didn’t want to bother you. It was me and a bottle of whatever was handy. Taking…
Monday, I Will Smack You
To beat an over-used expression to death, I am having a serious case of the Mondays. Scratch that – I have had a case of the Mondays for the past week or two. Would that make it a case of Periodic Blech Syndrome? I know I swore I would only be posting “quality content” on here, but screw it – not everything’s gonna be an award-winner. I’ve gotta let loose and be silly sometimes or my brain will self-destruct and possibly detonate and destroy civilization… So this weekend I had a mini-meltdown. No, it’s okay, it’s just my usual monthly panic over where my life is going, will I ever get…
Happiness, Thou Elusive Beast
I am not one of those people who are naturally happy. You know those types – they wake up bright-eyed at six a.m. on the dot, stretch out their arms, and start singing like a Disney character. A cartoon princess I am not. Those of us who were teenagers in the nineties will remember Daria… Yep. That’s my natural temperament. I fight against droll, sarcastic quips every minute. It’s been a losing battle, but I do try. I don’t really like being Miss Doom and Gloom, or as I like to call her, Apocalypta, so I bring my soul back to balance through reading, meditation, prayer and exercise (not at the…
Time to Be Honest, People
I’m going to go out on a limb here. It’s scary, but I feel compelled… I cried in the doctor’s office the other day. I hate crying more than almost anything except for spiders and Sylvester Stallone movies. However, the aftermath of a good loud wailing fest does result in clarity unmatched in the human cannon of emotional experience. At least for me. It’s like a release of pressure that builds up inside me because I try to pretend with myself that everything’s okay when it’s not. Or even when it is okay, but when I think it’s not. Because depression can play some nasty tricks with your perception of reality. As…
My Inner Zooey
I have always wanted to be one of those women who have it all together – or if they don’t, they put on a darn good show of it. You know who these women are – they get their adorable Christmas cards out every year by December 5th (or tenth at the latest), they have all their Christmas shopping done by Thanksgiving (or Black Friday at the latest), their houses are freshly decorated for every season, they never have unsightly muddy dog prints on their kitchen floors, and they always look like they were dressed by Zooey Deschanel – even on the weekends. How do these women do it? Do…
Agony
If I’ve learned anything about life in my 29 years, it’s that you can make all the plans you want to and life sometimes just doesn’t cooperate. Whoever it was who said that God laughs at our plans was very right – I think it was Saint Paul, didn’t he say everything? Or maybe it was Bill, the founder of AA? I’m too lazy to look it up right now. Too lazy for Google? Yes, I’ve reached that place. We had a Fantastical Magical weekend planned, Mike and I. Our neighborhood association had a snow day scheduled at a local park, and we were going to walk down there with…
I Am Ironman. I Mean Woman. Ironwoman.
Maybe you can’t tell from this blog, but like most suburban white ladies with an inferiority complex and five (okay, okay, ten) extra pounds hanging around her hips, I have moments of extreme insecurity. Most of the time I’m your average smart-ass who could give a crap about what you think of me. Those are the days when I confidently sport my Unicorn Success T-shirt and fail to put in my contact lenses, in case you’re wondering. However, there is a chink in this armor that gets breached once in a while. In my short career as a blogger, I’m starting to notice a pattern. About once a month (usually…
Guess I’m the Only Flawed Person on the Internet
It has been brought to my attention that I may have been a little egotistical on the blog as of late; tooting my own horn, bragging about my accomplishments, possibly at the expense of others. I assure you this has been unintentional – I am not big-headed at all! At least, no more so than any other person. In fact, I am my own worst critic! I even keep a list of all of my short-comings, to refer back to when I feel the need to self-improve (being an eldest child and an alcoholic, I have issues with perfectionism and self-loathing. It’s part of my process). Just to prove my…
Woman in the Gray Flannel Suit
Over the years, I’ve come to know that I am not a task-driven creature when it comes to anything useful, at least in a Marxist sense. I would totally get kicked out of any communist country because I don’t really have any wage-earning skills, nor any aptitude for obtaining said skills, nor any interest in developing any aptitude for obtaining those skills. I’d be off making a dress entirely of daisies and singing to myself while my comrades would slave away in the rivet-manufacturing plant. http://www.hulu.com/watch/22650 If I had no clue before, my selection of study in college should have filled me in – ye good ol’ Literature/Art History duo…