the days of death are upon us

the death days are upon us

the time of mourning is at hand

some pour out words of celebration

for those who go ahead

others, like me, cannot

i’ve always been selfish that way

mentally robbing you of your crown, your throne

your eternal salvation

for my grief

and my ever shifting uncertainty

but grief does not care for limitations.

of all who shaped my present from the past

you were the one i never imagined

you were omnipresent

always were always am always will be

even when absent

you weren’t far.

fifteen years

nearly half my lifetime

how do you say everything that needs to be said

yet needs to be silenced?

aquarius to capricorn

they say there are lessons to learn

well i can now say yes, there are

yes, there are

too many to count, to name

but the main

always return to friendship

again, though different.

always return.

life is a series of cycles

turning on the widening gyre

but ours will stop spinning soon.

you have taught me that grief is untamable

your last lesson

or is it?

i expect you’ll resurface in my heart

just as you’ve always done

just as you always are

just as you always will be.

just one question:

how do you live with all the things you cannot say?