Traveller
When I
Left you alone
You grew large, expanding
Until you seeped through all my heart’s
Chambers.
When I
Indulged the fantasy, dreaming
Of leaving, you cajoled
With verses from
Afar.
– – –
This is my attempt at a mirror cinquain for yeah write’s March poetry slam. Join us next week with your own cinquain!
5 Comments
Nate
something about “Chambers” on a line by itself is so isolating. especially with the lead up “all my heart’s.” I expected something emotional and you gave me anatomy.
Meg
Gorgeous, Natalie. I really liked the cadence of this: “You grew large, expanding / Until you seeped through all my heart’s /
Chambers.” ANd you’ve captured the experience of loving/letting go so evocatively. <3
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Silverleaf
“You cajoled / with verses from / afar” is a rich, exotic-sounding description. I wondered if perhaps you were referring in this piece to something deeper and more abstract than a person? I like the idea that it becomes all encompassing when you don’t focus on it and does it’s best to make you hold on when you consciously try to leave. Like obsession or addiction.
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Lance
Lovely, and strong.
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