I Am the Worst Blogger Ever. But Here’s Something to Distract You…

So it’s the end of the day and I have nothing prepared for today’s post because Mike went out of town this morning, and the whole place is ready to go up in flames. I’m sorry to be so disappointing, but I crumple at the slightest fluctuation in life. The call is coming from inside the house! Get out of here while you still can!

Just kidding, we’re fine here, and I’m stable like a test mouse on Prozac. But life takes on a different rhythm when the husband is away, and I’m all thrown off, doing things I wouldn’t ordinarily do. All the sudden it’s posting time, and I am not ready because instead of being a good little blogger, I took the dog for a walk to tire him out so he won’t be annoying get some exercise. I also mentally mapped out my evening, which looks like this:

  • Learn to play a guitar version of the Joni Mitchell song I’ve had stuck in my head all day
  • Watch The Postman Always Rings Twice
  • Possibly meet a friend for Christmas shopping
  • Take a bubble bath
  • Read

This might be an ambitious list, but no one will say I am not prepared to fill any extra time that may come my way. I am nothing if not responsible.

In fact, I have a plan for the remaining days he’s away too. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband more than I love coffee (and I love coffee more than I love my opposable thumbs), but there are things that I simply cannot do when he’s here. As I still enjoy these activities, I save them up for when he’s not here, then I dance in my underwear like Tom Cruise.

List of Things I Do When Mike’s Out of Town:

  • Sing and play the piano and/or guitar very loudly. Mike doesn’t mind when I do this, but there’s something about an empty house that lowers your inhibitions and makes your voice sound better. Science at work, my friends.
  • Watch movies I’ve already seen a billion times. Mike has a hard time watching a movie if he’s already seen it. Bourne Identity marathon to commence tomorrow night.
  • Read in bed as late as I want. Mike is a light sleeper, and I feel guilty when I leave the reading lamp on.
  • Watch old movies. Mike doesn’t share my obsession with Hitchcock films.
  • Watch movies based on period novels. See above.
  • Call friends on the phone
  • Write an exposition on how the industrial revolution influenced the role of social class in the Victorian novel. Use proper MLA citation.

This list makes it look like I watch a lot of movies, but I assure you, I don’t. That’s why they’re on the list, because I probably don’t watch enough¬†movies to stay culturally relevant. Left to my own devices, I’d do more activities like the last one on the list, and then I would have no real life friends.

Okay, I’d better get busy with my list. My underwear is not going to dance around by itself…

P.S. Especially for the Burglars – Don’t even think about coming over to break in and steal our stuff just because Mike’s gone. That’s the whole reason we have a blood-thirsty pit bull who’s been trained to rip out throats at my command.

Plus I’m the scary one, anyway.

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Comments

I Am the Worst Blogger Ever. But Here’s Something to Distract You… — 6 Comments

  1. haha I love your list and can totally relate! Enjoy your free evenings this week.

    Now I have to solve math problems to comment?! I love the uniqueness of it, but if the sum is ever greater than 10, I’m gonna have to start counting on my toes.

  2. Your last “thing to do” reminds me of the worst class I ever took in college: HST 403: 18th Century English Industrial Revolutions. 9 students, a socially inept professor who didn’t bathe, and 12 horribly boring books to read for the class. 3 hrs of hell in the evening.

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