Christmas in the LBC. Sounds Like a Rap Song.

And now, for something lighter here on The Cat Lady – because I’m tired of doom and gloom and angst and attempted arson.

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, second only to Halloween, and partly it’s because of my birthday coming the day before. Me and Jesus, practically twins.

Time for a Know-it-All Factoid: Did you know that my name, Natalie, means “Child of Christmas”? So I’m kind of obligated to love the holiday.

There are countless other reasons why I love Christmas, but I’m not going to bore you with them here. Instead, here are some terrible pictures I’ve attempted to prettify with Instagram. I have no qualms with this method of cheating, since I only own a point-and-shoot.

This is our tree:

Sure, it’s not the most grand tree, with matching ornaments and pretty white lights, but it makes me happy. Actually, I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy the pretty white lights, however more uniform and adult it would make our tree look – the colored lights are what we had growing up, and it doesn’t feel like Christmas without them. Plus I’m not even sure if there is such a thing as an “adult” Christmas tree, and I really don’t want to find out.

Spare me the coarse jokes about dildo ornaments and other x-rated paraphernalia. This is an adult space.

Also, you might notice we don’t have anything for the top of the tree yet. This is not due to laziness or insolvency, it’s just because we haven’t found the right one yet. It’s kind of a big deal. Everything on this tree is packed full of meaning and some tell a story in the manner of a serial novel, or are just ridiculous and bring me joy, so I can’t just put some random star or cross-eyed angel on the top.

See, here is part of the unicorn collection of ornaments:

Yes, this is part of a collection. I wasn’t lying about the unicorns.

Here is the handcrafted ornament we bought on our honeymoon in Hana:

Mike doesn’t remember this, but that’s why we bought the ornament – so that I can remind him how much fun we had. He only remembers the giant shave ice and off-roading with the rental car.

Here is Darth Vadar, from my complete set of Star Wars ornaments (episodes IV-VI, natch. In my household, we pretend I-III don’t exist.):

Luke Skywalker tragically went missing from his box, but here’s his dad

Here is my Sleeping Beauty ornament, which plays music and changes colors:

This movie, while detrimental to the feminist cause and full of powerful Jungian archetypes, has the best artistry and score to any Disney movie ever. Sorry, you cannot argue with me on this one. Plus Prince Phillip is my cartoon-crush.

And here is Maleficent, my favorite villain:

Because she reminds me of myself

Here is a Peter Pan ornament that belonged to my Grammie:

And here is an ornament my Great-Grammie made for me:

And this beautiful Eiffel Tower, because of my francophilia:

Now I want baguette

There are many, many more ornaments, but I can’t share them all with you because that would get boring (for you, at least) real fast.

How did I get so many collectible ornaments? Simple, children – when you share your birthday with Jesus, you automatically receive double the Christmas ornaments – it’s built into the contract.

Now, Mike is more unfortunate than I am in this regard – his birthday is a few days after Christmas, so he doesn’t have nearly the same volume of ornaments I have. You know those big plastic packing tubs? My ornaments fill one of those.

His fit in a shoe box, like other normal children’s would.

I believe this inadequacy has to do with several key factors, one of which includes his name expressly not meaning “Child of Christmas.” Because of this, people don’t bring him ornaments for his birthday like they’re one of the Magi. In case you’re wondering, “Michael” means “who is like God?” a rhetorical question with no answer. Very Mr. Miyagi.

Actually, I’m not sure if the whole ornament thing is a blessing or a curse. I mean, yeah I have a lot of ornaments, but that means I wasn’t getting Cabbage Patch dolls or ice skates.

I guess that’s the price you pay for almost being twins with a deity.

Look at them, just waiting for an opportunity to knock the tree down. Again.

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Comments

Christmas in the LBC. Sounds Like a Rap Song. — 10 Comments

  1. I am so envious of your Sleeping Beauty ornament! That’s my favorite of all the princess movies for the reasons you listed, and because singing and dancing with animals in the forest is just too damn awesome!

    You have lovely ornaments! (kinda sucks as a child, but cool now!!) My tree has 3 or 4 meaningful ones, and then we had to buffer the rest with bulbs.

  2. I also have a sentimental tree with colored lights in the living room. My newest dog has also knocked it over and it made me cry because I lost 2 of my Grandma’s ornaments. When I went to scold him, I was crying. To this day, he think that he’s in trouble when I cry. Poor baby!

    I also have two “adult” trees in the dining room. Those are all matchy-matchy with white lights and mercury glass & historical ornaments. They look so pretty, but my favorite will always be the sentimental tree.

    • So you ARE a grown up, but with a childlike soul. Nice, I like it.
      And at some point every year, one or both of the animals knocks the tree over. My baby ornament broke, but I super-glued it back together. You can only SORT OF see the crack…

  3. You had me at ” Me and Jesus, practically twins”

    I grew up without a tree (we were the lone Jews in a world of southern baptists), but I married a Catholic and now have two trees which is one more than just one and way less than we’ve-gone-crazy-with-christmas. So now I have ornaments. Some have meaning, some are just pretty, and some are there just to amuse (torture) the cats.

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