General Lunacy

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving. I Hate that I Just Used that Expression.

It’s my birthday next month, and I’m turning thirty this year. I know I’ve mentioned this before.

I imagine I’ll be speaking a lot about my birthday in the next few weeks. Be forewarned; there’s nothing I love beating so much as a dead horse. Especially a birthday horse.

So thirty. I’m approaching strange territory indeed. Don’t get me wrong – I’m looking forward to embarking on a new phase of life (and let’s be real – most of my twenties sucked), but still…thirty…

I’m already been adapting to this new mode of being. I’ve been using anti-aging cream for the past three years in preparation, and sunscreen for the past year six months. Last week I caught myself asking, “is this skirt too short for me?” a question that would not have crossed my mind at twenty-five. I also gave away a dress that made me look like a sixteen year old about to attend her Sadie Hawkins because it looked, well, funny on me.

When did I get so old that “age appropriate clothing” became an issue? How is it that I am capable of making culturally irrelevant jokes to young adults? (This joke in particular was about Tom Selleck’s mustache). How is it that I can no longer classify myself as a “young adult” when I still don’t have a career and/or children?

Sure I’m older and purportedly wiser at this stage in life, but this is going to take some getting used to.

To aid in this process of easing into real-adulthood, I googled “women over 30” because Google has all the answers to life. I steered past the articles trying to educate me on the severe decrease in fertility after age thirty (a 3.5% decrease per year – ouch, Mother Nature!) and pages advising hairstyles for “mature” women over thirty, with Jane Fonda as the spokeswomen (ouch, Google!).

However, when I saw this article proclaiming that “Science Proves that Women Over 30 are Better than Everybody,” I knew I had found the information I was seeking.

In this article, science tells us that women in their 30s are morally superior to any other creature on the planet. Heck, scientific proof that I’m not ready to be discarded by society based on my age/infertility? I’ll take it. Who am I to argue with science?

Okay, so according to the article, some thoughtful person in a lab coat studied moral behavioral responses in specific age groups and sexes, and discovered that while men make decisions based on immediate need, women tend to consider other people’s feelings and needs before acting. Bam! Moral superiority.

While this reinforces the reprehensible cultural stereotypes of the self-sacrificing woman and her jerk-wad male counterpart, it did make me question my own behavior in a positive way. Do I make decisions to be a “nice girl,” or do I make them based on what’s best for me? After all, I do not want to be a doormat in my thirties – I spent too much of my twenties doing that. My thirties are for being bitchin’.

Andy Rooney’s testimonial in favor of older women also made me feel warm and squishy about my approaching elder-hood. Apparently I’m supposed to get sexier as I get older. Score! I’ve never felt closer with Andy Rooney than I do at this moment…

I may even try wearing red lipstick, and I don’t even wear lipstick. Andy Rooney assures me it will look good.

So to sum up this strangely disjointed post, I’m already in a significantly better place than last year’s birthday, when I had no direction and worst of all, no you-guys to make this life worth it all.

Thank you Google, for the perspective.

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 Comments

  • Georgia

    While I’m not quite 25 yet, 30 is an age that has been looming over my head for a few years now – I don’t know why. It’s like it’s supposed to be that age where you have your life together and you’re settling down and all the cliche stuff, and I just don’t think that will ever be me, but regardless, I stumbled across this book that put so much into perspective for me. I would recommend it to anyone! http://www.amazon.com/Things-Every-Woman-Should-Have/dp/1401324142?tag=vglnkc7196-20
    I love your writing, by the way! 🙂

    • Natalie the Singingfool

      You know, people who say you should have your shit together by thirty are dirty liars. I only finished college at twenty-eight (ALMOST twenty-nine), so how could I possibly have it all together??
      And thanks for the recommend, I’ll look into it because I have a love affair with the written word. 🙂

  • Erica Schatz

    I’m now going to start walking around feeling so morally superior to everyone *not* in their thirties. Also, I’m going to start freaking out 3.5% more every year until I pop out a kid. But I think feeling better than everyone else will help ease that pain.

    I think 30’s are going to be some of the best years of your life! How can they not be, wearing red lipstick? 🙂

    • Natalie the Singingfool

      I agree – moral superiority is much more valuable than fertility. Kids are a pain in the butt for the rest of their lives, but a sense of superiority is the gift that keeps on giving.
      And I’m going to be cautious with the red lipstick; it’s a marathon, not a sprint!

  • Lindsey

    Hitting 30 was a little scary for me because that’s when I realized I could no longer get away with using my old student ID from college 🙁 I also freaked out over not having a successful career yet and not knowing myself as well as I expected to at that ripe, old, decrepit age just past my twenties. Also, stepping into my thirties suddenly meant I could no longer consider myself “just out of college,” and I worried that following my dream of being a writer was too irresponsible to actually DO. Then I actually turned 30 (then 31, and a couple weeks ago 32), and I realized people live their lives at their own pace and I’m doing just fine (if I keep saying it, it’ll be true).

    We welcome you, woman who is nearly 30, into the land between care-free and retirement where growing up is relative and nobody can tell you if or when you’ll have to do it!

  • Jennifer Gunther

    I just bookmarked this because I want to re-read it again, later. I’m turning 30 next month also and have mixed feelings. Lots of them.

    I’ve spent a good amount of time fretting about all the different aspects (for me, choosing singlehood this year, celebrating and lamenting my career, feeling increasingly flexible but not ready for children, and getting caught up in things – dressing myself and the considerations there, driving myself around in my grandmother’s Buick, and so on), probably too much so.

    I take it to heart the idea that women become more considerate as they pass 30. For me it’s feeling my own impact in a way I had not done previously. What I’m interested in too, is seeing if I also become more considerate towards myself. I can hardly believe in that possibility, spotting instead mountains of self-doubt and -judgement, but perhaps I can slowly, iteratively, become friends with these scary ranges.

    • Natalie the Singingfool

      Yes. Becoming more considerate to yourself is the best thing you can do, for yourself and others. Only as fulfilled individuals can we properly give back to our fellows with a joyful heart, which benefits everyone.
      I applaud you! Choosing singlehood isn’t easy, but it is vastly better than remaining in a bad situation. I’m a big advocate for doing what’s best for yourself (and ultimately, everyone else) when it comes to relationships, because I wasted many years of pain and tears in a bad relationship and it affected everyone around me negatively.
      I’ll be right there exploring this new territory with you! All hail the big 3 – 0!

  • Stacie

    As your elder by four months let me give you a heads up: no matter how much you’re “okay” with turning 30 you will have a panic attack at some point in the next weeks/months. You’ll be like, “ohmigosh my life is flashing by!!” But then you’ll remember how good it feels to not have to worry about wearing pajama pants to the grocery store now that you don’t care what you look like and you’ll forget that your best years were probably behind you….Cheers!

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