Guess I’m the Only Flawed Person on the Internet

It has been brought to my attention that I may have been a little egotistical on the blog as of late; tooting my own horn, bragging about my accomplishments, possibly at the expense of others. I assure you this has been unintentional – I am not big-headed at all!

At least, no more so than any other person.

In fact, I am my own worst critic! I even keep a list of all of my short-comings, to refer back to when I feel the need to self-improve (being an eldest child and an alcoholic, I have issues with perfectionism and self-loathing. It’s part of my process).

Just to prove my awareness of my shortcomings, I will share my inferiority complex with you all. The internet is a safe place to be vulnerable because no one is ever mean on the internet.

Natalie’s List of Disastrous Short-Comings Which Will Probably Cause Her Demise:

  1. I am an alcoholic. So, that’s fun.
  2. I can’t do math. Except for geometry, which is really just shapes. I can do shapes.
  3. I forget everything, often.
  4. I have depression.
  5. I am self-centered.
  6. My skin is the color of the arctic snow caps.
  7. I cannot keep off lost weight for more than two years; after that time has passed, I just pack it right back on.
  8. I am not practical. I was the little girl who insisted on wearing dresses to school, even if it was raining and freezing cold. 
  9. I get sick whenever someone sneezes in my general direction. Or just because it’s Monday morning. Basically, all the time, for no reason.
  10. I get bad ingrown toenails.
  11. I like chocolate for a snack better than celery sticks.
  12. Piggy-backing on #11, I love to eat WAY too much. 
  13. Piggy-backing on #12, I have a propensity to emotionally eat.
  14. My knees have no cartilage in them. They may also be getting arthritic based on a self-diagnosis from WebMD.
  15. I have an extremely low tolerance for boredom, which is how I developed so many hobbies…and bad habits.
  16. I don’t know how to have feelings like a normal human being – it usually takes me at least a few hours to process anger, and sometimes a few months for sadness. It serves to confuse the hell out of those closest to me.
  17. I am very stubborn. Additionally, my stubbornness increases in direct proportion to the stupidity of my ideas.
  18. My fingers are small and stubbly.
  19. I’m not good at calling people on the phone. Or being in large groups.
  20. I’m too sensitive and take things way too personally.
  21. I am lazy when it comes to tasks I have no interest in doing. 
  22. I’m not good at using the scissors.
  23. I am a smartass. This gets me into trouble more often than you’d think.
  24. I am very socially awkward.
  25. I get angry towards those who take advantage of others, particularly if the aggressor is a white male. While this in itself is not bad, the soapbox I reflexively jump on is.
  26. I am cheap, but have good taste, which produces a raging inner conflict that I’m certain will one day make my head explode.
  27. I’m not very good with money (see #2).
  28. I’m hard to please.
  29. I have terrible allergies.

I could go on, but I don’t want to scare you (more). Plus I’m getting bored.

But see? I don’t think I’m better than anybody. Except maybe Todd Akin.

[Sorry, I still have election on the brain.]

Let’s all share our worst qualities so I don’t feel like a total douchenugget…

I’m waiting…

Am I really the only flawed person on the internet?

Great, it’s as I feared:

The world population has been strategically replaced with Cylon robots in an Invasion of the Bodysnatchers type of scenario.

I’m on to you, robots. Even though I’m behind on Battlestar Galactica, I’m on to you.

Follow the Cat Lady

Comments

Guess I’m the Only Flawed Person on the Internet — 16 Comments

  1. Oh, I could totally relate to A LOT of these. #16 – do it. Hate it and don’t understand why – and nobody else does either. #14 – just did self-diagnosis this weekend. Am hoping I’m getting arthritis in my hands and feet and not ALS. #19 – same. Hate the phone! Unless I’m texting. #20/21 – ditto. – Can’t wait for that first negative comment on my blog to make me completely stop blogging and live in depression for the rest of my life. I’m also socially awkward. Other people don’t think that (or at least they’ve never said I am), but I feel awkward. And I’m hard to please, just ask my husband. My allergies went away when I moved to Illinois though. Yay! Score 1 for me. :-)

  2. We’ve got at least half of your list in common. Kudos to you for sharing, and I find it hard to understand how anyone could think you sound egotistical on your blog…we’ve never met in real life and so it’s possible I’m totally misreading you, but the comments that could be taken wrong I read as humor and sarcasm. You know I ended up taking down my “Cavewoman Moment” post because as more time went by I felt like nobody was as crazy as me and I got all insecure about having shared it at all. So I’m a coward – that one’s not on your list!

    • *Sigh,* I know. It’s like they didn’t read the disclaimer not to take ANYTHING seriously on this thing. Maybe I should put that in bold print under the header…
      And you took the Cavewoman post down?? Trust me, I related to that post. And you’re not a coward – you’re cautious. And not negligent, as I am. My enemies are probably reading this post and plotting how to take me down.
      Not that I have enemies, but you never know…
      You never know…

  3. Well, I guess I am not a Cylon either (good to know) because I could have written this list, especially the parts about being socially awkward and processing emotions.

    And for the record, I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now and have never though, “wow, this chick is really tooting her own horn! She sure is proud of herself.” Keep doing what your doing, we like it!

  4. Awww, I’ve never thought this blog of yours made you sound egotistical. Just wanna throw that out there. I’m with you on sickness and allergies. Don’t you wish everyone understood the importance of having tissue on hand? Or maybe don’t answer that…don’t want others thinking you’re better than them for having great tissue sense.

    • Thank you. Some have said otherwise…maybe they’re just trolls. I’ve been trying to ignore the trolls, but at least they gave me a good post idea.
      And I’m not ashamed to say that I have good tissue sense. I worked really hard for that tissue sense!

  5. Love your blog! And I can assure you that I am not a cyborg and have more flaws than you perceive yourself as having. (I guess one-upmanship should be added to my list. :) ) Our flaws make us the wonderful individuals we are. <3

  6. Yep, it’s just you. I’m completely perfect. You know, if your definition of ‘perfect’ involves chipped nail polish, a preference for dogs over humans, and a constant need to quote Carrie Fisher…

    I’m still a better person than Todd Akin, though.

  7. Darling, whoever said that you came across as egotistical is probably just jealous of your accomplishments. You have every right to be proud of yourself for ANY reason at any time. Even if it’s only remembering to flush the toilet after using it. If you want to be proud – be proud! “TOOT TOOT MUTHA FUCKA!” Whoever thinks otherwise can just piss off. Life is way too short to be worried about what other people think; if things are going good in your life, then just be happy and enjoy it. Celebrate it. Shout it from the roof tops! Well, maybe not that because of the risk of serious injury, but you get my point.

    It was very ballsy of you to post that list. I also share some of your “impending doom” list. Every one of the odd numbers aside from 27 & 29, and I also share 26.

    *sigh* It’s hard being perfect all the time… (said sarcastically by the crazy lady wearing a fruit hat and earmuffs by the fireplace)

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