It has been brought to my attention that I may have been a little egotistical on the blog as of late; tooting my own horn, bragging about my accomplishments, possibly at the expense of others. I assure you this has been unintentional – I am not big-headed at all!
At least, no more so than any other person.
In fact, I am my own worst critic! I even keep a list of all of my short-comings, to refer back to when I feel the need to self-improve (being an eldest child and an alcoholic, I have issues with perfectionism and self-loathing. It’s part of my process).
Just to prove my awareness of my shortcomings, I will share my inferiority complex with you all. The internet is a safe place to be vulnerable because no one is ever mean on the internet.
Natalie’s List of Disastrous Short-Comings Which Will Probably Cause Her Demise:
- I am an alcoholic. So, that’s fun.
- I can’t do math. Except for geometry, which is really just shapes. I can do shapes.
- I forget everything, often.
- I have depression.
- I am self-centered.
- My skin is the color of the arctic snow caps.
- I cannot keep off lost weight for more than two years; after that time has passed, I just pack it right back on.
- I am not practical. I was the little girl who insisted on wearing dresses to school, even if it was raining and freezing cold.
- I get sick whenever someone sneezes in my general direction. Or just because it’s Monday morning. Basically, all the time, for no reason.
- I get bad ingrown toenails.
- I like chocolate for a snack better than celery sticks.
- Piggy-backing on #11, I love to eat WAY too much.
- Piggy-backing on #12, I have a propensity to emotionally eat.
- My knees have no cartilage in them. They may also be getting arthritic based on a self-diagnosis from WebMD.
- I have an extremely low tolerance for boredom, which is how I developed so many hobbies…and bad habits.
- I don’t know how to have feelings like a normal human being – it usually takes me at least a few hours to process anger, and sometimes a few months for sadness. It serves to confuse the hell out of those closest to me.
- I am very stubborn. Additionally, my stubbornness increases in direct proportion to the stupidity of my ideas.
- My fingers are small and stubbly.
- I’m not good at calling people on the phone. Or being in large groups.
- I’m too sensitive and take things way too personally.
- I am lazy when it comes to tasks I have no interest in doing.
- I’m not good at using the scissors.
- I am a smartass. This gets me into trouble more often than you’d think.
- I am very socially awkward.
- I get angry towards those who take advantage of others, particularly if the aggressor is a white male. While this in itself is not bad, the soapbox I reflexively jump on is.
- I am cheap, but have good taste, which produces a raging inner conflict that I’m certain will one day make my head explode.
- I’m not very good with money (see #2).
- I’m hard to please.
- I have terrible allergies.
I could go on, but I don’t want to scare you (more). Plus I’m getting bored.
But see? I don’t think I’m better than anybody. Except maybe Todd Akin.
[Sorry, I still have election on the brain.]
Let’s all share our worst qualities so I don’t feel like a total douchenugget…
Am I really the only flawed person on the internet?
Great, it’s as I feared:
The world population has been strategically replaced with Cylon robots in an Invasion of the Bodysnatchers type of scenario.
I’m on to you, robots. Even though I’m behind on Battlestar Galactica, I’m on to you.